Lucky

Back from a lovely holiday and have a lot of catching up to do!  We got back to a freezing house, thanks to a furnace that apparently stopped working at some point while we were gone.  (Poor cats!)  But we got it working again, and it’s slowly warming up in here.  Hopefully there won’t be too many typos because of cold fingers…

Hubby wanted an adventure, and our trip was eventful, to say the least.  He had it all planned out on a route that required as little interstate travel as possible, which meant two-lane state highways through podunk midwestern towns most of the way.  We hit bad weather, nearly hit an elk, and had to have the  local sheriff in his 4-wheel drive truck help us out of a ditch, but we’re home safe and sound.  (These were all separate incidents by the way, or “adventures,” as I now refer to them.)  And yet, it could have been worse…if Hubby hadn’t seen the elk in time…if we’d been snowed in and couldn’t get to my sister’s house…if we’d rolled instead of landing softly in a shallow ditch.  We were lucky.

And we’re lucky in a lot of other ways, too.  I seem to forget this, as much as I bitch about our current circumstances.  But again, it could be so much worse.

We’re fortunate that, knowing as we did from early on that IVF would be our best option, we were able to save (and save and save) so that we can pay for it out of pocket.  We’re blessed that we have the means to have Hubby go to another country for a second opinion and that our doctors here seem to be open to other options/suggestions from experts who have more experience with Hubby’s particular ailment.  I’m so grateful that I’ve found a community of people going through similar experiences, so that the days I feel most alone, I’m reminded with a few clicks that other people are in the same boat, and some have made it safely to the shore.

And even though Hubby hasn’t gotten his dream job yet, he’s making connections (very important in his line of work) and finding new opportunities all the time.  As he puts it, “You don’t win the NBA championship on the first try.  You have to get through the whole season, the conference finals…”

I have a wonderful family, and I’m so glad I got to spend some quality time with them over the past couple of days.  I suppose I’m also lucky that my niece is 9, which is a great age, but doesn’t induce baby-craziness the way little ones do, so I can enjoy my time with  her without getting sad about not having one of my own.  Still, I want more than a baby.  I want to raise a child.  A child who will someday be 9, who will eventually be an adult, and hopefully an intelligent, responsible, happy, and generous one.

As we were driving for hours, in between adventures, Hubby and I had lots of great conversations.  One of them revolved around the significance of our lives, compared to the whole history of mankind.  He said our lives didn’t even show up as a blip.  I said, “What if I give birth to the next Einstein?” and he said, “Even Einstein isn’t a blip.”  But, blip or not, it matters to us, in the present moment.  And if we’re very lucky, our children’s lives will be much more than a blip to those around them.  What more could I possibly hope for?

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