I’ve been sick for a week.  It’s just a cold, but it’s kicking my ass.  Last week, I took Tuesday off because I only had a couple of visits scheduled, and I thought I could easily make them up if I had to later in the week.  I figured staying home one day to rest would nip this thing in the bud.  Went back to work on Wednesday.  That was a mistake.  I then spent most of Thursday through Sunday on the couch.  Last night, I thought for sure I’d go back to work today.  I was wrong.

I hate being sick.  And I hate missing work.  I may be a bit of an egomaniac, thinking that without me, my families will just fall apart.  But it’s also the work ethic my dad instilled in me from a young age.  His may have been a bit skewed, to the point of spending more time at work than at home.  (He still does that, and he’s 75 years old.)  I like to think I’ve established a better life/work balance and even left my previous job because I was bringing too much of my work home.  Still, being sick and missing a bunch of work makes it that much harder when I have to return and try to make up most of what I’ve missed.

Hubby’s been great, bringing me soup and medicine so I don’t have to leave the house.  When I’m sick for this long, I’m actually glad I don’t have little ones to take care of.  But at the same time, I worry.  What will happen when we do have kids and I get sick?  I have no doubt that Hubby will be a big help, but what about things like breastfeeding?  Can a sick mom breastfeed without passing illness to the baby?  Does breastfeeding itself bolster mom’s immunity as well as baby’s, so I don’t get sick in the first place?  I know there are certain medications I can’t take while breastfeeding (not that I take much anyway, other than ibuprofen).  But there’s still so much I don’t know.  So many questions I still need answered.  Because how can I possibly parent without all the answers?

(Okay, I know it’s completely unrealistic to expect to have all the answers.  Honestly, I do.  But…)

I’m not even pregnant (yet) and I’m already a mess.  I obsess (but I’ll get to that later).  I worry.  How much is this going to be multiplied when there’s a brand-new human life involved?

Sounds like it’s time for a nap.  To heal and keep any more of these useless thoughts from swirling around in my head.  I hope to be back to at least 90% tomorrow.

4 thoughts on “Bleh.

  1. I know exactly what you mean when you say “How can I parent without all the answers?” I think this is one of the insidious things infertility does to us — we’re not parenting, but we’ve got all the time in the world to *think* about it, obsess and plan and live it over in our minds, and it sets up this expectation that it’s going to be something we can actually plan for and be prepared for, when in actuality I suspect no one really has all (or even most) of the answers.

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