I (used to) believe in miracles

The nearly two weeks of sickness-induced brain fog is finally starting to lift.  I’m trying to get caught up on reading and commenting.  And writing.  I just haven’t had much to say lately.

The lovely and amazing msfertility sent me this article to cheer me up.  It made me smile.  But my next thought was, even in the article they say it was a miracle, comparing the result to winning the lottery.  What are the chances something like that could happen again?  If we were even in that situation.  Anytime I hear a story about a surprise pregnancy after years of infertility or a doctor giving very low odds of conceiving naturally, I automatically have the same pair of thoughts:  Hey, maybe there’s hope for us and Damn you for putting that thought in my head.

I used to hope and pray for miracles all the time, back when I believed in that sort of thing.  But even now, I sometimes (stupidly) look for signs that somehow this will all work out, without the invasive medical intervention we’ve been told we’ll need.  After his meeting with Dr. S, even Hubby was asking questions like, Wouldn’t it be cool if you actually got pregnant from having sex?  Because Dr. S is way more hopeful about that kind of thing than any other doctor we’ve spoken to.

But in a way, I think it’s totally unfair for him to be spreading that kind of optimism.  Because I don’t know how realistic it is.  For every surprise miracle story I hear, there are probably thousands for whom things didn’t work out that way.  Who tried everything and spent their entire savings or had to take out loans before finally having their miracle baby.  Or who never get to experience a normal pregnancy or birth, even after multiple procedures and protocols and surgeries.  And that just sucks.

I don’t know where the balance is between losing all hope and being realistically optimistic.  I tend to be a worst-case-scenario kind of girl, so any happy accident comes as a complete shock to me.  And I don’t want to pin my hopes on that.  For now, the only miracles I believe in are of the medical variety.

12 thoughts on “I (used to) believe in miracles

  1. I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I were just talking about this exact thing earlier tonight. He wants so much for us to get pregnant naturally but the odds are against that. I want to be hopeful and I want him to believe in himself but I know it’s unlikely. You are not alone. *hugs*

    • Yeah, I seriously doubt getting pregnant naturally is going to work for us. Even IUI is a huge longshot. But I’m still trying to be a little hopeful. You guys hang in there, too!

  2. “Hey, maybe there’s hope for us” and “Damn you for putting that thought in my head.” Ahhh, this perfectly captures the immediate dual reactions I get from these stories!! Everybody tells you them to cheer you up, I could even tell a few myself from people I know, but none of them are ME. There’s no way to know now if I’ll ever become one of these urban legends, the girl who gets her happy ending after wading through so much crap and believing when she shouldn’t have. Hope can be a real bitch.

    • Yeah, definitely a bitch. Like those populuar girls in high school that you wanted to notice you, but once they did, you were always sorry. Or was that just me??

  3. I have a friend to always reminds me that her doctor gave her an 8% chance on her last, crappy egg from her last cycle she was going to be able to do – her daughter is a freshman in college now. Sometimes it helps, but most of the time I feel like something like that must be so rare, it couldn’t possibly happen twice to two people who know each other.

  4. I just saw your post! (I’ve been hiding, too.) This “miracle” thing is like a roller-coaster. One minute you’re on the high of having hope and then when evidence fails to appear at the allotted time, you’re down in the dumps again. Which is where I am now. Blech. On the other hand, miracles can occur regardless of whether or not you believe in them – ha! So, feel however you like 🙂

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