The nearly two weeks of sickness-induced brain fog is finally starting to lift. I’m trying to get caught up on reading and commenting. And writing. I just haven’t had much to say lately.
The lovely and amazing msfertility sent me this article to cheer me up. It made me smile. But my next thought was, even in the article they say it was a miracle, comparing the result to winning the lottery. What are the chances something like that could happen again? If we were even in that situation. Anytime I hear a story about a surprise pregnancy after years of infertility or a doctor giving very low odds of conceiving naturally, I automatically have the same pair of thoughts: Hey, maybe there’s hope for us and Damn you for putting that thought in my head.
I used to hope and pray for miracles all the time, back when I believed in that sort of thing. But even now, I sometimes (stupidly) look for signs that somehow this will all work out, without the invasive medical intervention we’ve been told we’ll need. After his meeting with Dr. S, even Hubby was asking questions like, Wouldn’t it be cool if you actually got pregnant from having sex? Because Dr. S is way more hopeful about that kind of thing than any other doctor we’ve spoken to.
But in a way, I think it’s totally unfair for him to be spreading that kind of optimism. Because I don’t know how realistic it is. For every surprise miracle story I hear, there are probably thousands for whom things didn’t work out that way. Who tried everything and spent their entire savings or had to take out loans before finally having their miracle baby. Or who never get to experience a normal pregnancy or birth, even after multiple procedures and protocols and surgeries. And that just sucks.
I don’t know where the balance is between losing all hope and being realistically optimistic. I tend to be a worst-case-scenario kind of girl, so any happy accident comes as a complete shock to me. And I don’t want to pin my hopes on that. For now, the only miracles I believe in are of the medical variety.