Crossing off “I Nevers”

A while back, I posted a whole list of things I haven’t yet done on this journey, things I would guess many women do before ever being diagnosed with infertility.  Not all of them good things.  Over the last 24 hours, I have lost my infertility virginity.

Last night, I took my first pregnancy test.  No big surprise, it was negative.  For a first, the whole thing was very anti-climactic.  The only reason I took it was because I was required to before getting the hysterosalpingogram (HSG) today.

And here, I have to say, thank you ladies for helping to ease my mind before this particular procedure!  I was fully prepared for what I was walking into.  I had my Wonder Woman socks.  I popped a couple of ibuprofen about an hour before the appointment.  I knew all the steps and expected the cramping that came with it.   All in all, it wasn’t bad, and the good news is, both tubes are clear.  Yay!  I even got a cd with the results that I am to pass on to Dr. C.  Which Hubby immediately wanted to pop into the computer so he could see it, too.

Speaking of Dr. C, his office called yesterday to reschedule my appointment that was to take place this Friday.  I’m now scheduled to see him next Thursday, which is fine, except that Hubby can’t go with me on a Thursday.  And I keep having to call families to reschedule visits because his office keeps jacking up my schedule.

But I’ll get over it.

The weird thing is, before the HSG, I kept getting asked, “How long have you been trying?”  Not an easy question to answer.  We still haven’t officially started trying.  Knowing all along we had literally nothing to work with, we’ve never actually tried to get pregnant.  Which I tried to explain, saying that I was having this done just to make sure there wasn’t an issue with me, too. 

To which one of the techs responded with some snarky comment like, “Finally, it’s the guy’s problem.”

I get that they’re only seeing one side of this.  They get all the women coming in for an HSG, either because they’re already experiencing infertility, or to rule out a problem.  But statistically (and this is not my expertise) something like 1/3 of all couples who experience infertility have a male factor problem.  It’s not a “women’s” problem.  Infertility is a medical condition that, in most cases, affects a couple trying to conceive.  I can’t tell you how angry it makes me that people always assume that because we don’t have children yet, there must be something wrong with me.  At this point, I’m not 100% sure that there isn’t something wrong with me, but the problem we know about is with my husband.  It happens to guys, too, people!

End of rant.

Now I feel better.

17 thoughts on “Crossing off “I Nevers”

  1. Congratulations on losing your HPT virginity. I’ve peed on so many sticks over the years I’ve lost count! I still remember the first one, though. 🙂

    And yes, you are right. So many people assume IF is a woman’s problem. We have MFI, too, and the “solutions” people propose are both ignorant and insulting. Just wait until someone “volunteers” to impregnate you because your husband can’t.

    Sending lots of hugs and love your way,

    • Ew. Some people. It’s like “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You” all over again.

      Thanks for the love, and I hope we both get out of The Waiting Place soon!

  2. I completely know what you are saying. After my surgery for ovarian cyst I told a NURSE that I work with we were still having problems and she said “I thought you got that taken care of.” Really? Because it HAS to be my “fault.” Good luck to you my friend. I know you will feel better to get a clean bill of health to move forward.

    • Exactly. Not that I’m putting the blame on my husband–at all. There just seems to be a lot of ignorance about the fact that it takes two people to make a baby, and yeah, either one of them can have medical issues that interfere with that.

      • I don’t blames Josh at all. I have to remind him that this is not diffrent than his high blood pressure or depression. It is just something else for US to work together to overcome. I feel like because Josh has always been very vocal about wanting children and I haven’t people just assumed I am not READY to have a child but when they find out we’ve been trying the assumption automatacally turns to “Lots of women can’t get pregnant”—I want to scream “I CAN get pregnant, just not by my husband (at this point anyways).” It is frustrating that is for sure.

  3. A woman’s problem? Yuck, I hate the assumptions that come with IF. The first time my husband got his semen analysis results back, someone close to me’s response was “See, it’s probably his fault you can’t get pregnant”. To which I told her, it’s nobody’s fault. Nobody did anything that puts them at fault here. I just don’t like that choice of words, because it makes it sound like he somehow did something wrong. Besides, like in our case, it’s often two or three smaller health issues leading up to IF. Also, just like Jo said, I have also had a friend jokingly “offer” her husband to me as a stud. Not funny. I wish there was more public awareness about IF, then maybe people would stop saying such lame things.

  4. I’m so happy everything went well! Yay!

    I’m also appalled by the tech’s comments. Sounds like a jerk who should’ve kept her comments to herself! (I’m assuming it was a female.) It’s actually offensive to try to assign blame to either party. A huge percentage of infertility is “unexplained” – and the fact that you know you have male factor issues isn’t really anyone’s business.

    I know it’s not the same thing, but that just reminded me of when I mentioned to my friend’s very elderly aunt that I had had a miscarriage and she said, “Oh, no… what did you do wrong?” It left me speechless and angry at myself for revealing something so sensitive to someone so stupid!

    • All clear so far…

      Can I just say, people make me crazy. They are dumb and say ignorant things on a regular basis. I’m so sorry someone actually accused you of doing something to yourself or your unborn child that caused a miscarriage. So insensitive. I truly believe that we would all be driven to the brink of insanity if not for this community of women (and men?) who actually get it.

  5. I’m so glad that the test went well!

    I posted on facebook about finally getting our appointment with our urologist. I said something along the lines of “we finally have an appointment! March 22nd! We finally get to move forward and maybe get a chance to have a baby.” 3 of the 10 or so comments were “I’m glad you are going to see the doctor finally, I hope he can fix whatever is wrong with you”. First of all its OUR problem and it’s hubby’s appointment that I will also be in attendance for. People really have to stop assuming things, it only makes them look bad. Mind you, I have come out on facebook about our infertility, I have answered all those questions for people and they still come at me with stuff like that.

    I also schooled my aunt the other day when she tried to tell me that infertility is only a womans problem. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen her speechless. I enjoyed her reaction…just a bit. 🙂

    • Ha ha! That’s great! I feel like in addition to battling infertility, we’re also battling the ignorance and assumptions of others. Which doubly sucks. Hope the appt. with the urologist goes well!!

  6. I try to remember that most people come from a good place, even if they make comments that make me crazy. It’s hard though! Doctors changing appointments always makes me a little crazy though!! Glad everything went well 🙂

    • Thanks, Kimberly! Yeah, somehow doctors think that no one else lives on a schedule or has anything better to do than play appointment musical chairs!

  7. It’s always amazing to me how people whose job it is to work with couples with fertility issues can be so insensitive. Just ignore them.

    It’s a strange thing, IF, because we want so very much to find the causes of the IF and fix them, but at the same time calling it my problem, or his problem implies fault. I don’t want either of us to feel responsible for all of this. I don’t want that even if the issue is a result of choices we’ve made. This is just where we are now, and we have to deal with it together.

    • You’re right. When it’s just the two of us, it’s absolutely our problem, and we’re dealing with it together. But explaining it to other people gets tricky, I think. I like how you put it: this is where we are now.

  8. For real! I especially love it when people give me fertility advice like acupuncture or yoga. I usually just say that we are past the point of anything like that helping. And I may throw in an eye roll. Glad your hsg went well!!

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