April

I heard on the radio this morning that April is National On Hold month.  I’ve since discovered that On Hold month was actually March, but for the purposes of today’s post, I’m just going with it.

So, April is On Hold month.  Which is weird because I feel like we’ve been on hold for much, much longer.  There was a period of years when I so desperately wanted to start our family, but we couldn’t proceed for various reasons:  Hubby was still finishing his PhD; I quit my job; Hubby didn’t have a job; we found out it would cost $20,000 for one round of IVF; Hubby still hadn’t found a job.  I don’t want it to sound like I’m blaming my husband for putting baby-making on hold.  It’s just that I was ready long before he was and before we were financially able to take this on.  When the decision was finally made to start treatments (Hubby’s current under-employment notwithstanding), he said something like, “You’re right.  We’ve waited too long already.”

Once we started treatments, we weren’t much closer to getting pregnant.  The first three months of injections were designed to get Hubby’s body ready for the next round, the injections that would get him producing sperm again.  And even then, it would take months to see results.  So even though treatments had started and we were on a schedule of two or four or six injections a week, we still weren’t any closer to having a baby.

Then this month rolled around.  This is supposed to be our month.  The next SA should tell us something (hopefully good news, although it’s possible he still has no sperm, which technically doesn’t mean anything, other than that the hormones haven’t had time to take effect yet).  We think it’s working, although the only evidence we have is the change in size and firmness of Hubby’s balls.  Not exactly scientific proof.

We’re going tomorrow (finally!) to make the appointment for Hubby’s SA.  He’ll also get bloodwork done this month.  We’ll make appointments to see Dr. K and, if all goes well, Dr. C.  This may be the month we get taken off hold.  But I don’t want to get my hopes up too much.  What I should do is take a deep breath and enjoy the muzak.

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14 thoughts on “April

  1. It seems like infertility always means some form of being on hold. Whole lifetimes can be lived in that void of waiting; some days I feel positively ancient. I hope this next round of testing gives you awesome news and you can start moving forward.

  2. I don’t know about everyone else, but I think the waiting is the worst part of this. I’m an A-type & I need a plan – something I can do or work hard enough at to make things happen! Good luck with the SA! I hope SO much that you get off hold & get your chance this month! 🙂

    • Thank you. Totally agree–waiting sucks. I thought I would feel better once we were actually doing something, but it’s still just a lot of waiting.

  3. It’s a time-warp, I promise! My two years of infertility felt like twenty. Is there some way around that?!? If I knew, I’d tell you.

    Really hoping & praying that you get to start sooner rather than later! Maybe May can be “start your engines” month? 😉

  4. Tom Petty got it right… The waiting is the hardest part. It seems like we’re always waiting on something,doesn’t it? Hope this time you get great results… and get on the line! (instead of being on hold).

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