I don’t want to complain, but I will.
And I can’t blame PMS this time. It’s CD2. Which is a problem in itself. I shouldn’t have gotten my period until today or tomorrow. That means I had a 22 day cycle. The cycle before that was 26 days. What the hell? This is what I get for “bragging” that my cycles are usually so regular. They’re always short, but 22 days? This sucks.
I have cramps. And achy legs. I feel like shit.
Partly because our neighbors are on fire, but all the smoke is blowing this direction. It turns the sun and moon an eery red as they hover above the horizon. It makes an orange-y haze that lingers all day and irritates my throat. It burns. It makes me cough.
The same thing happened last year at this time. Only that fire was so big and the winds so fierce that we actually had ash falling from the sky like dirty snow. It covered our parked cars and clogged the filters on our swamp coolers (the evaporated-water cooling systems we use in this dry climate).
I’ve been bitchy and irritable for days. I don’t like it when I become this person.
The high point of my weekend was Friday night, when Hubby and I went to dinner with Sincerity and her partner, T. We ate good food and talked about movies and books and bad TV and the near-stabbing I witnessed at work. I did a lot of talking, which is not typical for me. But for some reason I do it a lot when the four of us are together, maybe to make up for the fact that Hubby is so quiet. He’s usually the chatty one. He can literally talk for 20 minutes straight without me saying a word. Or maybe he was so quiet because I didn’t shut up.
Yesterday I was pissed that I was starting my period, and I stayed in my pajamas all day and watched the shows that have been multiplying on my DVR. Since discovering this new obsession (blogging), I don’t watch nearly as much TV as I used to (and it was a lot). But now I spend all my free time with a computer in my lap. (It’s now working as a heating pad, which isn’t so bad.) Yesterday I watched multiple episodes of Community, Giuliana & Bill, Parks & Rec, and New Girl, and I’m not done yet. I still have The Ricky Gervais Show, Girls, and Modern Family to catch up on.
I just feel like I’m not doing anything. I wish there was something I could do to get us out of limbo. But other than giving Hubby his injections every couple of days, I’m helpless. We’re still waiting to hear about a few jobs Hubby recently applied for. Trying to be hopeful, but given the way the past four years have gone, it’s not easy. And we can’t move forward with IVF until we know, one way or the other, what’s going to happen in August. We don’t even know where we’re going to live, nevermind who’s going to attempt to impregnate me with one of Hubby’s 19 sperm.
I want to enjoy what’s left of my three-day weekend. I hope the ibuprofen kicks in soon so I can start to feel like a person again instead of a miserable ball of pain. The sky looks a little bluer today. Maybe I’ll take a walk.