Wasted Weekend

I don’t want to complain, but I will.

And I can’t blame PMS this time.  It’s CD2.  Which is a problem in itself.  I shouldn’t have gotten my period until today or tomorrow.  That means I had a 22 day cycle.  The cycle before that was 26 days.  What the hell?  This is what I get for “bragging” that my cycles are usually so regular.  They’re always short, but 22 days?  This sucks.

I have cramps.  And achy legs.  I feel like shit.

Partly because our neighbors are on fire, but all the smoke is blowing this direction.  It turns the sun and moon an eery red as they hover above the horizon.  It makes an orange-y haze that lingers all day and irritates my throat.  It burns.  It makes me cough.

The same thing happened last year at this time.  Only that fire was so big and the winds so fierce that we actually had ash falling from the sky like dirty snow.  It covered our parked cars and clogged the filters on our swamp coolers (the evaporated-water cooling systems we use in this dry climate).

I’ve been bitchy and irritable for days.  I don’t like it when I become this person.

The high point of my weekend was Friday night, when Hubby and I went to dinner with Sincerity and her partner, T.  We ate good food and talked about movies and books and bad TV and the near-stabbing I witnessed at work.  I did a lot of talking, which is not typical for me.  But for some reason I do it a lot when the four of us are together, maybe to make up for the fact that Hubby is so quiet.  He’s usually the chatty one.  He can literally talk for 20 minutes straight without me saying a word.  Or maybe he was so quiet because I didn’t shut up.

Yesterday I was pissed that I was starting my period, and I stayed in my pajamas all day and watched the shows that have been multiplying on my DVR.  Since discovering this new obsession (blogging), I don’t watch nearly as much TV as I used to (and it was a lot).  But now I spend all my free time with a computer in my lap.  (It’s now working as a heating pad, which isn’t so bad.)  Yesterday I watched multiple episodes of Community, Giuliana & Bill, Parks & Rec, and New Girl, and I’m not done yet.  I still have The Ricky Gervais Show, Girls, and Modern Family to catch up on.

I just feel like I’m not doing anything.  I wish there was something I could do to get us out of limbo.  But other than giving Hubby his injections every couple of days, I’m helpless.  We’re still waiting to hear about a few jobs Hubby recently applied for.  Trying to be hopeful, but given the way the past four years have gone, it’s not easy.  And we can’t move forward with IVF until we know, one way or the other, what’s going to happen in August.  We don’t even know where we’re going to live, nevermind who’s going to attempt to impregnate me with one of Hubby’s 19 sperm.

I want to enjoy what’s left of my three-day weekend.  I hope the ibuprofen kicks in soon so I can start to feel like a person again instead of a miserable ball of pain.  The sky looks a little bluer today.  Maybe I’ll take a walk.


19 thoughts on “Wasted Weekend

  1. Hello from ICLW! I would take a 22 day cycle over my latest cycle – 42 days. I get screwed out of a cycle a year, my cycles are so long. Anyway, just a voice from the other side. 🙂

  2. At least you have an excuse. Ive been sitting here on the verge of tears, with random outbursts of tears, not talking to anyone, not doing anything productive, not able to focus on anything and nothing good on my DVR. Im just waiting. Trying to get through until tomorrow when I am afraid the dr wont have good news for me or even a good answer.

    But at least I will know.

    Im sorry Daryl, I hate being a downer when someone else is already unhappy.

    You could be me though and have to host my neighborhood “Beautification meeting” today at 3pm. Having a bunch of what are basically 60 year old high school meangirls at my house is about the LAST thing I want to do. One of them actually wears a tshirt that says “Queen Bee”. Given the opportunity to kick her ass with no punishment, I would. I didnt sign up to host this meeting the husband did. So hes in the doghouse too.

    • I’d say you have plenty of reason for feeling down the past couple of days. I hope you get some good answers tomorrow. That meeting sounds horrendous, and I’m sorry you got talked into doing it! It sounds like your husband owes you after that! 😉

  3. I had the same thing happen. Usually, without meds, I am about 25-26 days but the past two months I had 21 and 22 day cycles. WTF?? For some reason, these shorter cycles are especially nasty causing me some of the worst moods and cramps I’ve had in years.

    • My normal cycle is 23-24 days, but somehow 22 seems unreasonably short. Maybe things are just evening out after the long cycle last time?? I hope that’s all it is! I’m sorry yours have been so awful lately, too!

  4. It’s really tough to be on hold and in the waiting, some days you just have to allow yourself that space and do whatever that gets you through the day.

  5. I’m sorry you’re feeling crabby – I would, too! (What the hell happened at your work, btw?!?) Although nothing bad happened to me, I totally feel like I wasted this weekend… and the worst part is that it was totally MY fault for not planning anything. Today, there was this sudden desperation to get out of the house and DO something – anything – which kind of fell flat due to the aforementioned lack of planning. I did manage to grab a salad with a friend and take the dog (that we’re dog-sitting) to the dog-park, though. That kind of felt like something.

    • Yeah, I suck at making plans, too. And now, on top of everything else, I’m sick!

      Salad with a friend and dog-park sound like fun, though. 🙂

  6. Hey, I hope you are feeling better today. Hopefully you’ll be able to press the “reset” button and start this week out on a better note than the weekend did. Hang in there!

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