Farmers’ Market FAIL

It’s CD2, although I’ve been in a funk since those first blushes appeared on Wednesday. When Hubby suggested last night that we go to the growers’ market today, I wanted to believe it was a good idea.  I wanted to peruse the rows of colors and smells.  I wanted to turn ripe produce in my hands, examining the firm flesh for any signs of infestation or decay, choosing the perfect plump tomato or ear of corn.

Then I woke up with cramps.  I was slow-moving and pissed off at yet another reminder of what I don’t have.  But I dragged myself out of bed, I forced myself to get ready, and we headed out.

As we approached the triangle of green where the organic farmers and growers convene–along with the crafters, soap-makers, artists, and bakers–I already knew I’d made a mistake.  At the height of the growing season, the market is packed.  I’m not a huge fan of crowds as it is, but this particular crowd was just too much for me today.

There was no safe place to look–nowhere I could avoid settling my gaze on a hugely pregnant belly, a newborn snuggled in his mother’s arms, toddlers in strollers, or little girls running around in sundresses.  The reggae didn’t help.  “Don’t worry about a thing, ’cause every little thing is gonna be all right.”  Yeah, sure it is.

So I made the whole experience unpleasant, not just for me, but for my husband as well. Rushing the one who is normally rushing through that place is no small feat, but that’s exactly what I did.  Because I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there.

And on the car ride home, I felt terrible.  I kept thinking, “I just want to be able to enjoy myself.  I can’t even do that.”  I tried to explain to Hubby that it wasn’t just the cramps (or my allergies) that made today so difficult.  That it was so much more than that.  But my words seem to fall short, and I know he doesn’t grasp the full weight of what a day like today does to me.  I can’t expect him to.

But you do.  And that’s why I’m here.

I may just go back to bed.  Or have a good cry.  I hope your Saturday is going better than mine.

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11 thoughts on “Farmers’ Market FAIL

  1. Go ahead, have a good cry, be mad at the world, and send hubby out there alone next time. Be kind to yourself, know you’re a little hormonal and chalk it up to you know, the red menace.

    The go do something that you really enjoy, have a bath or read, or take a walk. Do something that is true to who you are.

    And then come back here and rage all you need to. Its OK. We all understand and support you.

  2. I’m so sorry you had such a crap morning 😦 some says it’s easier to take throngs of families, but the beginning of a cycle is not one of those times, at least it wasn’t for me! I think a good cry and a nap could do wonders, kind of like a “restart” to the day, and when you get up just focus on having a really great meal with your husband, maybe snuggle on the couch and watch a funny movie?

  3. Oh Daryl. I’m so sorry for the morning. All of us have had moments/days like this, where it seems everyone in the world is able to procreate except us. You most certainly didn’t need that message today.

    I’m with Jeanette: go do something that is special for you today. There’s a spa I love that doesn’t allow pregnant women or children under the age of 16 (hot tubs and saunas are a no-no for this group), so I usually make an appointment with them for once I’ve stopped menstruating. Grey and I also are starting a tradition of hitting a bar and playing a couple of rounds of chess. You get the picture. The point being, what you’re feeling is completely normal, so don’t punish yourself.

    Thinking of you today and sending many hugs.

  4. We are here, and we get it. Tell us all about it, anytime you need to. Then, I say do whatever you want for the rest of the day, whether that’s going back to bed, crying, or crying while going back to bed. Then, I highly recommend indulging in something you usually don’t take the time to do for yourself!

  5. Oh Daryl, I get this in a BIG way. This whole weekend has been hard on me, thanks to the many reminders of what I lost and may never get to have again. I’m sorry and thinking of you, even in Idaho. 🙂

  6. There are triggers everywhere these days. I do get it and some days are just more difficult than other. And why can’t we even be able to enjoy ourselves! that’s something I feel has been taken away as well in certain situations. Just know you are not alone.

  7. Yes, we get it. Sometimes I think the men don’t quite fully understand that feeling – my husband doesn’t always, at least not to the extent that I do. I hope going back to bed or the good cry, or perhaps both, helped, and you re-emerged ready to face the world once again.

    Also – this is the first time I’ve been on your actual site instead of reading along in Google Reader for a while. As much as I loved your personalized journal entry design, this is gorgeous too – simple and uplifting. Fantastic choice!

  8. I’m sorry that you had a rough day. Damn Farmer’s market and all that fertility! Let yourself be upset… then go have a beer/ glass of wine at a young person’s bar/restaurant — no babies or pregnant ladies there!

  9. I understand your feelings oh so well. I feel that way about going to work right now. At least with 3 people are on maternity leave so I will have a few weeks before they come back with baby pics. However, one just came back from having a baby and another will be showing in the next couple of weeks. Not to mention Baby Sister–it’s just hard right now. I feel like I see less pregnant women in public than I do when I’m at work. *sigh*

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