It’s a law of the physical universe. Newton said so.
The first law says that an object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion, with the same direction and speed. Motion (or lack of motion) cannot change without an unbalanced force acting. If nothing is happening to you, and nothing does happen, you will never go anywhere. If you’re going in a specific direction, unless something happens to you, you will always go in that direction. Forever.
Lately, I’ve felt taken over by inertia. Things are moving–but just barely, and they don’t seem to be going exactly the direction I would like. I can’t do anything about Hubby’s job search but wait along with him for something good to happen. And until something happens and we know where we’ll be for the next few months, we can’t move on to IVF. So, as I’ve been complaining about for months, we’re stuck.
I finally bought and used the OPKs this month, thinking that it was something I could have some control over. I could ensure I was doing everything I could on my end, until we get enough sperm or enough time for IVF. All it did was give me something else to obsess over. Turns out, I am ovulating, just as I thought, and I don’t need one more thing to turn me into a crazy infertile. I’ve got that covered as it is.
But there are things I can do for myself. Like the writing group I have with Sincerity and another friend, which keeps me motivated to write poetry at least every couple of weeks. There must be more I can do. I have to get my ass off the couch and into the kitchen, something I keep swearing I’m going to do but never seem to manage. I want to do yoga, meditate, something to get my mind off of this stuckness for a while. But I never do that, either.
Our circumstances may or may not change. I hope we won’t be stuck here “forever,” but there is so little I have any control over in that regard. I have to find the force within myself to move forward, to change direction. I’m not quite sure how to do that. I haven’t thought it all through yet, but I’m working on it.