My little blog hit a record number of views the past two days. It wasn’t because you were all dying to wish Hubby a belated happy birthday (although some of you did, so thanks for that, too). And it had nothing to do with fantasy football. I’m quite sure it had something to do with the roundup, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
I’ve had some key words show up in my search terms lately. Words like “hypogonadism,” “150,000 sperm,” and “ready for IVF.” These terms, while heart-breaking for anyone desperate enough to consult Dr. Google about them, also make me smile. Because that’s one of many reasons this blog exists. When I felt so alone in the world of fertiles, when I needed someone to say, “I understand,” I stumbled upon a few blogs, then a few more, and suddenly there was this whole world of women who really knew what I was going through. In this special circle of hell we call infertility, I found all of you. And if someone in a similarly discouraged state found my blog in the act of reaching out for answers, I am both humbled and grateful to be of service to them.
Here’s what’s coming up for us: Hubby had bloodwork done last week, and he’s scheduled another SA for this coming Monday. We should get the results over the phone as soon as they’re both in. What are we hoping for? A million? Two? If we hit 10,000,000, we might be able to do IUI. I never would have imagined that possibility, but it doesn’t seem as far-fetched as it once did.
By Monday, I should also be starting my period. Unless….
But I don’t want to think about that. (I think about it every second of the day.) It hurts too much to be hopeful. Or rather, to come crashing down when the inevitable happens.