FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

So, remember a few days ago, when I was all giddy at the possibility of Hubby getting a backup job, just in case nothing better comes along?  Well, we better hope something better comes along because the backup ain’t happenin’.  Which he tells me as we’re rushing out the door for our appointment with Dr. C.

Fuckity, fuck, fuck!

So we show up for the appointment just in time and proceed to wait the usual 45 minutes before Dr. C finally graces us with his presence.  Guess what the topic of conversation was during that wait time.

I’ll give you a hint.  It went a little something like this:

Me:  We’re fucked.

Hubby:  I’ve been too optimistic all this time.

Me:  We’re fucked.

But…

The appointment itself was fan-freakin-tastic.  Which, I have to admit, did wonders to lift our spirits.

Here’s the plan (We have an actual plan!!!!):

Next CD1 (approximately Sept. 18), I call the clinic for our first (and probably only) IUI.  Yes, people, we’re going for it.  Even with crap numbers.  Turns out, as a bonus, my insurance covers 50% for up to 6 IUIs.  The plan is to have Hubby provide four, uh, deposits over two days, and we’ll do back-to-back IUIs with Clomid.  It hasn’t quite sunk in that we’re actually going to be doing something in just a couple of weeks!  None of us is very optimistic about this working, but we figured, at a cost of about $350 with my insurance, it can’t hurt.

Directly after one of these two IUIs, we’re going to meet with the IVF coordinator, who will go over costs and I don’t know what else, in what Dr. C says is about a 20-minute conversation.  I sure as hell hope someone, at some point, will instruct me on how to give myself injections, which did not happen when we started Hubby’s injections.  We had to turn to youtube to figure that out.

In the meantime, both Hubby and I are going to have blood drawn tomorrow–me to check for clotting issues, since I have a family history (although, not during pregnancy–but I’m pretty sure that’s what killed my mother), and him to have genetic testing to rule out CF (I hope!).  Dr. C wasn’t too hip on adding a bunch of vitamins and supplements to my regimen, but I did pick up some vitamin D and Co-Q10, just in case it boosts our chances.

If/when we do get around to IVF, we will opt for PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis), which means a frozen transfer at a later date.  We will, of course, be using ICSI, and I asked about HA (Hyaluronic Acid), which Dr. C also did not recommend, saying that it was based on the research of one guy and couldn’t be replicated by anyone else.  Plus, he says it doesn’t do much to improve our chances.  I’m taking his word for it on this one.  And Hubby respected him for saying this, remarking that Dr. C seems “very scientific.”

So, good news and bad news today.  I’m trying desperately to look on the bright side, like the fact that we don’t have to move to Michigan in January.  Maybe there really is something better waiting for us, but today, it all feels a little bittersweet.

(Oh, and by the way, I hope my future children are nothing like the kids in this video…except maybe for the sweet dance moves.)

P.S.  I must have been really nervous about today’s appointment because last night I had a dream we had a baby boy.  In the dream, we sort of skipped around from newborn to about a year old, and back again.  I remember I was a little bit jealous my baby boy’s first word was “dada.”  I was also a little weirded out that our baby was black.  You know, ’cause we’re not.

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11 thoughts on “FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

  1. To the first part: oh no! To the latter part: yay! And to the p.s.: haha. But really…I’m so sorry that the job opportunity didn’t pan out for your hubby. That totally sucks and I know it’s super stressful, so I can only hope another opportunity is around the corner. But I’m also so happy to hear about your planned IUI! Doing something, even if you aren’t overly optimistic and it might end in disappointment, is ALWAYS better than doing what feels like nothing but waiting. But I’m still going to hope that this is it for you and you get your miracle. You guys deserve it!

    • Thanks. We were only given a 1-2% chance that the IUI will work, but I think I feel a little better easing into all of this, rather than diving right in to IVF, if that makes sense. I hope that Hubby’s count will be even higher by the time we do the IUI, though.

  2. Yay for iui, boo for job not working out. The job thing sucks, really and truly, but I’m really pleased for you guys that you get to move forward with treatment even I know how hard it is to keep expectations in check. I’m now thinking of my iui’s as a warmup that helped me know I could take on some degree of scary stuff.

    • That’s kind of how I feel, like it’s a warm up. And I’m happy we’re not waiting for Hubby to get a job to move forward, even though that’s a little scary, too!

  3. Yay!!!! That’s awesome! Well, I guess you can’t complain about feeling “stuck” anymore because now you’re actually taking action! I hope it goes well for you – fingers crossed. And, if you have to resort to IVF, I’m obviously a *huge* fan of the PGD. Without it, I would have had multiple heartbreaking transfers instead of one successful one. I am sooooooo excited for you!

    • Yeah, after some of the discussions Hubby and I have had about what we’d do if we found out our baby had Down Syndrome, I’m definitely a fan of the PGD. And yes–I’m so thrilled to be moving forward–finally!

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