I’ve used up every other metaphor I can think of to describe our feelings about my husband’s ongoing job search. We’ve been stuck, in limbo, standing still. All of which was preventing us from moving forward with any kind of procedure that might result in pregnancy.
I’ve been seeing lots of anniversary posts lately–a year into treatment, often after multiple failed attempts to initiate or sustain pregnancy. I can only imagine how it feels to have racked up a set of failures like that, but, at the same time, I found myself feeling envious that at least those women were in a position to try. We’re nearly a year in, too, and still haven’t (yet) had any real glimmer of hope that I might get knocked-up. Somehow, in my mind, failing was better than not being able to make that leap in the first place.
The most recent set-back in Hubby’s employment saga was certainly a blow. We were riding high for a few days, only to be dropped on our asses–and we have the bruises to prove it. But, if nothing else, that fleeting thought that we might be moving soon–both to another location and to the next phase of treatment–pushed us to meet with Dr. C. It started the wheels turning in our pursuit of having a baby. Hubby is excited, which, of course, I tempered with my devastating realism: If I do get pregnant, it just puts more pressure on him to get a job.
Speaking of bruises, I was going to post a photo of what I was sure would be huge, dark bruises in the crook of each of my arms after my blood draw yesterday. However, much like our metaphorical bruises, I feel some tenderness, but there’s nothing visible to the outside world as an indication of the pain.
I had a total of 13 vials of blood drawn. It was supposed to be 11, but she messed up two of them–oh, and there was a 14th, but that one only collected a few drops of blood before the vein in my left arm collapsed. When she moved to the right side, she poked around in there for what felt like a full two minutes (but must have been less, right?) before filling up the next 11 vials.
All the blood draws I have coming up in the next few months are going to be great fun.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m still thrilled to be doing them. To finally be un-stuck.