Bruised

I’ve used up every other metaphor I can think of to describe our feelings about my husband’s ongoing job search.  We’ve been stuck, in limbo, standing still.  All of which was preventing us from moving forward with any kind of procedure that might result in pregnancy.

I’ve been seeing lots of anniversary posts lately–a year into treatment, often after multiple failed attempts to initiate or sustain pregnancy.  I can only imagine how it feels to have racked up a set of failures like that, but, at the same time, I found myself feeling envious that at least those women were in a position to try.  We’re nearly a year in, too, and still haven’t (yet) had any real glimmer of hope that I might get knocked-up.  Somehow, in my mind, failing was better than not being able to make that leap in the first place.

The most recent set-back in Hubby’s employment saga was certainly a blow.  We were riding high for a few days, only to be dropped on our asses–and we have the bruises to prove it.  But, if nothing else, that fleeting thought that we might be moving soon–both to another location and to the next phase of treatment–pushed us to meet with Dr. C.  It started the wheels turning in our pursuit of having a baby.  Hubby is excited, which, of course, I tempered with my devastating realism:  If I do get pregnant, it just puts more pressure on him to get a job.

Speaking of bruises, I was going to post a photo of what I was sure would be huge, dark bruises in the crook of each of my arms after my blood draw yesterday.  However, much like our metaphorical bruises, I feel some tenderness, but there’s nothing visible to the outside world as an indication of the pain.

I had a total of 13 vials of blood drawn.  It was supposed to be 11, but she messed up two of them–oh, and there was a 14th, but that one only collected a few drops of blood before the vein in my left arm collapsed.  When she moved to the right side, she poked around in there for what felt like a full two minutes (but must have been less, right?) before filling up the next 11 vials.

All the blood draws I have coming up in the next few months are going to be great fun.

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I’m still thrilled to be doing them.  To finally be un-stuck.

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24 thoughts on “Bruised

  1. I can see where you would be frustrated. Oh and your blood draw brought back memories of when I had that many taken…and my husband had a piddly one tube. Not fair!

  2. I completely get this. It’s hard to feel like you’re being left in the dust because of circumstances. Still, you are moving forward. It sounds like you’ve hit the first bumps in the road, but don’t let that discourage you for proceeding with your plan. Sure, it’s scary to think about ‘what if,’ but it’s also very likely that everything will come together.

    Hang in there and hoping that the bruises heal quickly.

    • Thanks, Cristy! It is scary to be moving forward when Hubby doesn’t have a job, but I am feeling amazingly hopeful and excited about moving forward with treatment!

  3. My very first IUI was put on hold because of a cyst. I bawled my eyes out right there in the office. I know I was crying because I was so disappointed about not being able to TRY! So, I get that it totally sucks to feel like you aren’t able to dig in and get moving. It blows. But you’re moving now, sister! Hopefully your road will be short!

    • Exactly! It still feels surreal that we’re actually going to be doing something productive as soon as my CD1 rolls around. I can’t quite wrap my brain around it, but I’m also super excited!

    • They are testing for clotting issued because of my family history. There were only two items circled on the lab sheet, but it turns out one of them was a panel! It was way more blood than I was planning on giving that day.

      And, yes, YAY for un-stuck!

  4. 13 vials of blood?! I got nauseous with the FOUR I had drawn two weeks ago. You poor, poor thing. And I understand why you’d be envious of people’s failure when you’ve had little real hope over these last few months. I feel the same way when I fail to ovulate any certain month because then I don’t even get to TRY. So glad you get to move forward now. Wishing you the best in every way!

    • Yeah, we kept joking that I might pass out, but I was okay. Once the blood was flowing, it wasn’t that bad, but she sure had a hard time finding the vein, and that hurt like hell.

      Thanks so much for the well-wishes!

  5. Ahh … what a disappointment after having had your hopes lifted so. But you will still be moving forward with the IUIs, right? I was really excited to come back and read about all the progress you guys have made in the last week and hope you are still feeling the excitement too, despite this employment setback!

  6. Oh gosh for the blood taken, made me dizzy just reading about it. Sorry to hear that the job didn’t work out, that must be a real blow for both of you. But how great you are now moving forward with actually having a plan. That is fantastic!

  7. Oh my 14!!! My gosh I thought five was a lot. Why so many? Is this the norm? I typically dislike blood draws as unless they are very experienced they have trouble hitting the veins. His carrier path is due to lead your journey someplace swell the troubles now will only make the rewards feel that much better. (sometimes hard to see but worth the experience)

    • Part of the testing was some kind of panel having to do with blood clotting. I’m not sure exactly, but I was really surprised when it ended up being so many!

      I’m definitely trying to be hopeful, but it helps when other people are also hoping for us, so thank you!

  8. Having experienced both a year or so of trying and a year or so of waiting, they both have their own level of torture. Neither I hope to ever experience again. I feel for you. I also really enjoyed doing the things like blood work because it definitely gets the ball rolling. Before you know it you will be so entrenched in everything that you’ll be shocked. I hope this happens very soon!

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