I just have to get all of these silly thoughts out of my head. Pardon the verbal vomit.
It’s CD 22. Which means I should be starting my period on Tuesday. That’s the plan, anyway. And then I’ll call Dr. C’s office to begin our IUI cycle.
My boobs are super sore. As they are several days before I get my period, up until the day I start spotting. But I started spotting yesterday, which would make sense if my progesterone had dropped in anticipation of my impending period. So why do my boobs still hurt? Wishful thinking?
I’m tempted to POAS. But that’s just dumb, right? I’ve already started spotting. Very light brown spotting, but still. Clearly, I’m not pregnant. Plus, I have this unspoken deal with myself that I’ll only test the day before my expected period–which would be tomorrow–and only if I haven’t begun spotting by then. Which I totally have.
As I write this, I feel like a crazy person, arguing with myself in public.
If I take the test, it’s going to be negative. But maybe I need to see a negative test. Just to rule out the possibility that maybe we’ve gotten our medical miracle a few months earlier than we thought it could happen. It only takes one sperm, after all. If I see that stark white negative, I can stop
thinking about obsessing over this possibility and mentally prepare myself for the IUI cycle that will start next week.
Wait, did I just talk myself into testing?
No, I’m not going to do it.
Not right now.
Hmm. I might have to pee, though. Maybe I should just get it over with?