I just have to get all of these silly thoughts out of my head. Pardon the verbal vomit.
It’s CD 22. Which means I should be starting my period on Tuesday. That’s the plan, anyway. And then I’ll call Dr. C’s office to begin our IUI cycle.
Except.
My boobs are super sore. As they are several days before I get my period, up until the day I start spotting. But I started spotting yesterday, which would make sense if my progesterone had dropped in anticipation of my impending period. So why do my boobs still hurt? Wishful thinking?
I’m tempted to POAS. But that’s just dumb, right? I’ve already started spotting. Very light brown spotting, but still. Clearly, I’m not pregnant. Plus, I have this unspoken deal with myself that I’ll only test the day before my expected period–which would be tomorrow–and only if I haven’t begun spotting by then. Which I totally have.
As I write this, I feel like a crazy person, arguing with myself in public.
If I take the test, it’s going to be negative. But maybe I need to see a negative test. Just to rule out the possibility that maybe we’ve gotten our medical miracle a few months earlier than we thought it could happen. It only takes one sperm, after all. If I see that stark white negative, I can stop thinking about obsessing over this possibility and mentally prepare myself for the IUI cycle that will start next week.
Right?
Wait, did I just talk myself into testing?
No, I’m not going to do it.
Not right now.
Hmm. I might have to pee, though. Maybe I should just get it over with?
Something Out of Nothing 
My first instinct was to chant “pee, pee, pee!” but I don’t want to encourage you do anything that could break your heart. However, you said it yourself — it only takes ONE sperm. And the spotting could be implantation spotting. There’s a possibility. Maybe it’s slim, but it’s there. I say do whatever is going to be easiest for you. Whether you wait for your period or POAS right now, the answer will be the same (whatever the answer is), so just do what you think will give you more peace. And I’ll hope, hope, hope for you! ~ hugs ~
Thanks, Cassie. I gave into the chants. BFN. Hope your cycle goes better than mine!
Ugh. I’m sorry. Are you okay? And here’s hoping the upcoming IUI gives you a different result!
Thanks. I’m okay. I just needed to stop playing the “what if” game.
I understand that, for sure. It can drive a girl crazy!
I think it’s all a matter of how you would feel with getting a BFN. For me, seeing the stark white test is far worse than just having AF show up. For others, knowing early helps them move on. So, do what ever is easiest. Fingers are crossed either way!
I think I needed the BFN to stop all the voices in my head! So now I can get ready for this week.
I was about to post what Cristy said here: yep, that’s how I felt, too. Depends how you feel. Good luck!!
sorry to hear it, but in my mind it’s always better to know one way or the other so you can move on to the next thing. Huge fingers crossed for you with the IUI cycle this month!
I rather wait for my period to show up these days. Unless I don’t feel the PMS raging, which was a long time ago. Sorry for the negative, it’s always a sting.
Well? Did you pee?
Oh. Crap, I’m sorry. I’ve seen a lot of peeing posts from people lately. Somehow, I try to resist peeing on things in general. As a rule. You know, for me.
So sorry about your result. I understand – sometimes I just need to see so I can stop the crazy-get-my-hopes-up thoughts. Hugs.