A little over a week ago, Hubby asked me what day we got engaged.

Me:  You  mean what day of the week?

Him:  No, the date.

Me (à la Rainman):  July 18, 2005.

Him:  How do you know?

Me:  I just do.

I then proceeded to dig out my journal from that era of my life, flip to the exact page, and rub it in his face a little for doubting me.  I don’t know why I remember dates like that, but I do.  Maybe I remember that day, in particular, because it was the beginning of something.

A year ago today was the beginning of something else.  I gave Hubby his first injection of hCG in nearly 20 years.  At the time, we were told it could take up to two years to see results.

The night before his first injection, this is what I wrote in my journal:


Delayed by a day, but as [Hubby] says, what’s one day compared to our genes being passed on for eternity.

We watched videos online to see how this whole injection thing is going to go.  Damn, that’s a long needle I’m going to have to stick into my husband’s ass.  But [Hubby] insists, even before we’ve officially started, that it’s going to work, that I will get pregnant.  He guaranteed it.  We’ll see.

“We’ll see,” indeed.  And soon, I hope.

I’m not gonna lie.  It’s been a pretty sucktacular year.  Another year of Hubby’s lingering unemployment.  A year of waiting and hoping, and those hopes being dashed.

But, by the end of it, we’re on the cusp of possibility.  We’re lucky we didn’t have to wait the two years originally projected to get enough sperm to work with.  We’re lucky Dr. C is indulging us in an experimental IUI, easing us in slowly to the world of ART.

All in all, I’m happier than I thought I’d be on this anniversary.  At least we’re doing something.  We’re finally moving, after months of feeling stuck.  We’re not where we want to be yet (obviously), but we’re headed in the right direction.  And there’s no reason to believe we’ll go another year without something to show for it.

And in case you didn’t know what a difference a year can make, check out Giuliana Rancic’s take on it: from breast cancer to baby.


27 thoughts on “Crappiversary

  1. That’s amazing! You’re already starting in half the time you thought it would take! I recently went back to see when I started my blog (October of last year, it turns out) – when we’d been trying for over a year and a half and already had 2 failed IVFs with little hope for success. I am a living witness to just how much your life can dramatically change in a year. Here’s hoping a year from now brings you your bundle of joy!

  2. It sounds like you are working with a fantastic medical team. That always helps! My husband is a prostate cancer survivor and we had to do IVF with TESE/ICSI, definitely not our first choice, but it was worth it. I wish I had the option to try an IUI, I think starting with this is indeed a good way “to get your feet wet” and hope it is all you need! Best wishes!

    • We were also originally told that IVF with ICSI would be our only option. Our RE only gave us a 1-2% chance of the IUI working, but at least he’s still willing to give it a shot. I’ll definitely be checking out your blog to see how you guys are doing.

  3. Hehe. That reminds me of my Rainman-esque friend, who can remember the date of anybody’s birthday. I love what Guiliana says, and I think I’ve mentioned it here before: you don’t always know when change is coming. One day it just hits you and nothing is ever the same again. Your “one day” is coming too. Happy inject-iversary!

  4. In a year (even in a day), everything can change. Elizabeth is right in what she says above. You never know it’s here until it is. Here’s hoping that, by this time next year, things will have changed in the most beautiful way for you.

  5. So, its been a craptacular year. Say goodbye to it and toast its exit. Enjoy moving ahead and put all that inertia in the past. I’m really happy for you because I think this new year is already looking better, and more promising!

    • I think so, too! Now that we’re finally doing something, it’s exciting and scary and tad bit overwhelming all at the same time. But that’s a good thing!

    • Thank you! Days of the week I’m not so good with. Especially when we’re on vacation (like we were when we got engaged) and the day of the week becomes meaningless.

  6. I love these type of posts, where people look at the last year. On the anniversary of when I met my DH, I write him a letter about what’s happened in the last year, and keep it updated so we have a big overview of our years together. It’s fun!

  7. Some dates are seared into my brain, even ones I’d rather forget, it can’t be helped. I actually made a conscious effort after a while to kind of zone out on the calendar, not notice the dates to make them easier to stomach the next year. Kinda worked :). Even though you’re not where you want to be yet (why can’t babies just magically pop into our arms??), you HAVE made progress this year, and even better are doing SOMETHING right now. Even if is a long shot, you will still feel the satisfaction of “did it, tried it” and will learn from the experience, and be more ready for whatever is next. Hoping this coming year is it for you guys, putting out that plea to the universe!

  8. I just have to say that the title of this post made me laugh out loud. 🙂 I’m cheering you on as you go through the IUI!

  9. I’m a huge Giuliana fan. I love her message here. So much can change in a year, but it’s hard, in the trenches, to remember that. Here’s hoping this is your year. Aw heck, here’s hoping it’s all of our year. 🙂

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