CD12, IUI#1: How “normal” is fucking with my brain

I’m trying not to obsess.

Trying, but failing miserably.

I’m trying to keep things in perspective.  Like the fact that I’m still well within the normal range for normal ovulation.  It’s only been two days since the morning I thought I would see that darker line.  It feels like forever, but it’s only been two days.

I could see a half-dark line tomorrow and still be well within normal.

Normal.  How weird is that.

Technically, my cycle has always been normal.  At the absolute bottom end of normal, but normal nonetheless.  The possibility of having a 28 day cycle is freaking me out.  I’ve only ever had a 28 day cycle when I was on the pill.

The possibility that I ovulated on CD 8 or 9 is also lurking in the back of my mind–a possibility I’m reminded of each morning I continue to see a faint fucking second line.

Because why on earth would I have a normal cycle on Clomid?  Why would anything in this shit parade go according to plan?

Every day I debate about whether or not to test in the afternoon or evening, and every day I talk myself out of it (okay, except for that one day), forcing myself to obey my clinic’s orders to test in the morning.  Because, let’s face it, if I saw a positive OPK in the evening and couldn’t schedule with my clinic until two days later, I’d freak out about missing our small window of opportunity.

This is me trying not to obsess.

I know it’s not pretty.

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10 thoughts on “CD12, IUI#1: How “normal” is fucking with my brain

  1. Treatment cycles that rely on OPKs are tortuous. Staring at the lines to determine if one is darker than the other is enough to drive one crazy! So, don’t be hard on yourself. Fingers crossed.

  2. Deep breaths, come on, deeep breaths!!! I hate to spoil the ending for you, but its doing to be ok!

    The most accurate opk readings you get will be in the afternoon/evening, and if there is a real questions about this go get your blood drawn and your p4 level will indicate if you have ovulated or not. If youre getting your blood drawn ask for them an LH level as well which can also indicate how close you are to ovulation.

    There is always an answer, you dont have to spin yourself into a frenzy I swear. Also while I know its spendy, consider getting the Clear Blue East Fertility Monitor. The digital one that you dont throw away. The readings are very accurate.

      • Breathing. Breathing.

        I think the idea is to catch pre-surge, just to make sure the timing works out, because the IUI will be scheduled for the following afternoon. I’m giving it until Monday morning before I freak out too much. That will be CD14, and they said to call if I don’t surge by then. And if it turns out I did ovulate waaayy early, I guess we won’t do Clomid next time. (Yay!)

  3. Well, you’re not the only one who obsesses. I think we’re all pretty good at it! Have you ever tried charting? My BBT is the surefire way for me to know if I ovulated or not, though a P4 test would work too. Hoping you get that darker line soon!!

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