CD25, IUI#1: Eating My Feelings

So…pretty sure this cycle is a bust.  I wasn’t even supposed to test until Monday, but I started spotting yesterday and expect to see an actual period tomorrow.  At 12dpIUI#1-A.  Can you say luteal phase defect?  How much vitamin D do I have to take to rectify this shit?

I’m attempting to fill the hole in my uterus with food.  I haven’t stopped stuffing my face since yesterday afternoon.  So on top of being barren, I may be bordering on an eating disorder as well.

This weekend is going to suck.  But when my period starts for real, I can call my clinic to schedule a hysteroscopy, along with all the other pre-IVF testing Hubby and I will have to do, including a HALO test for him (for DNA fragmentation).  Then we can get everything on the calendar for December/January.

Can I just say again, THIS SUCKS.

The odds were against us, but I still clung to that tiny shred of hope.

That’s over now.  And I’m going to do my best to ignore the next cycle or two between now and going on BCPs in preparation for the real deal.  We’ve always known that IVF would be our best shot.  But somehow we both let unrealistic expectations rear their fugly little heads, leaving us to reap nothing but heartache when things went against our silly, hopeful plans.

Now I just hope nothing gets in the way of our IVF.  Like–and I never thought I’d say this–Hubby getting a job between now and then that takes us away from our super-cocky doc and his ridiculously high stats.

~

P.S. Thanks, Mel, for sending some support my way during the tail-end of this horrific not-even-two-week-wait.

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14 thoughts on “CD25, IUI#1: Eating My Feelings

  1. I’m sorry you’re feeling so disappointed. This DOES suck. I don’t want to blow smoke, but fwiw, I had some slight spotting before my BFP. Of course I’ve also had cycles that started with spotting and ended in AF, and I’m not sure how heavy or red your spotting is, but there’s always still a chance! Either way, I’m thinking of you…

  2. I’m so sorry, Daryl … it’s terrible to have so much hope only to have it be so cruelly dashed. Take the time you need to mourn, and then find your hope again for what will be happening so very soon in the future. I have faith in you that you will.

  3. The one IUI we tried was a fail too, if you remember, because my darn eggs were all growing on the blocked side. I was so heartbroken. We too had been told IVF IVF all the way, and then Bryan had done those hormone shots and had more sperm and I found myself thinking “hey maybe we don’t need it!”. Talk about an extra blow when it was canceled. My point is well….it just sucks. Hugs.

  4. I hate the hope created by treatments! You let yourself think “just maybe” and your heart gets stomped. I’m so sorry. Hoping that your IVF cycle comes quickly and is filled with success!

  5. As one who has experienced those nasty 2 wk waits, I just want to say hope is a bitch. There’s nothing wrong with hoping and wanting to beat the odds. They don’t get any easier and I’m so sorry you gotta get back on that ride.

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