Bad Blogger

I’ve fallen so far behind on reading blogs and commenting this week.  I just haven’t felt like doing much of anything.  Enjoy these bullet points explaining why:

§ I’ve been super-stressed this week.  I don’t know if it’s the sore boobs telling me my period–and therefore the start of our first IVF–is imminent, but I’ve been suddenly anxious about money.  Or, more precisely, lack thereof.

→ Sub-point A: Hubby is unemployed (duh!) and my income on its own doesn’t seem to be covering the bills
→ Sub-point B: Our supposed-to-be-for-IVF savings account has developed a slow leak (see Sub-point A)
→ Sub-point C: Not like I need to tell you, but IVF is freakin’ expensive!

§ Because of this stress, I’ve been getting tension headaches, which make me feel generally cranky, which leads to more of me not wanting to do anything.
§ We have what seems like a never-ending to-do list ahead of us, and it feels like we’ve hardly dented it.
§ We just applied for a loan in the thousands of dollars, for which we were approved at a not-terrible rate, and I’m still nervous as hell about accepting the terms and actually going into debt to have a baby.
§ My writing group meets tomorrow, and I have a half-assed revision of a poem they’ve already seen as the only evidence I’ve done anything the past few weeks other than work and sleep.
§ And, as much as I hate to admit it, the most recent round of pregnancy announcements–and especially the multiple announcements of multiples (the holy grail of fertility treatments, according to Hubby)–have left me a little worn thin.  I am so, so happy for each and every one of you, and I hope that my turn is right around the corner, but…
§ I’m terrified that we’re going to spend every penny we have on a round of IVF that, as good as Dr. C’s stats are, will fail.  Someone has to fall into that unlucky 25%, and it might as well be me.

So there you have it.  All the cheerful thoughts that have kept me from keeping up with all of you.  I hope to delve in this weekend and catch up on all the happenings in blogland.


6 thoughts on “Bad Blogger

  1. IFV is stressful, and expensive. So is going into debt. I hope that once you decide what to do you can breathe and relax about it a little bit. (Although I am terrible about taking on debt and think about it all the time, so I understand if that is hard for you.)

    As for being a ‘bad’ blogger and not having much prepared for your writing group – let it go. It’s okay. Something has to give sometimes and focusing on yourself and your family is the right thing to do. We’ll all still be here when you’re ready to write again. **hugs**

  2. I’m totally with you here. The financial aspects of this grow larger every day. I started a savings plan, but it turns out I am having to be unexpected bills with it, including hospitalization for the miscarriage. As for the entourage of pregnancy announcements, I’m so with you on those.

  3. So sorry you’re feeling this stressed. It is completely understandable, though. We are all hoping for a very successful first IVF for you, so you don’t have to struggle through all of this for much longer!

  4. It’s okay not to feel super duper happy all the time with all the BFPs, I/we totally understand and would probably be feeling the same way! And in fact sometimes I still get a little feeling of sadness with others’ BFPs when they haven’t had to use a donor in the end… etc. Just to say be kind to yourself, there’s a heck of a lot going on for you guys right now.

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