Cramps? Bleeding? Please, oh, please?

My husband is super-cute.  I’ve said this before, right?  Last night, when I was clearly tired, getting sick, and upset about this whole possible-ovulation-while-on-the-pill thing, he says, “See?  You so much want to have a baby, even birth control can’t stop you!”  To cheer me up.  (Imagine that with his adorable accent, and you can’t help but smile.  Go ahead, try.)

I couldn’t sleep last night.  I kept waking up, thinking about what the results of the blood work would be, when I would get them, when I would know what the next steps will be.  And whether or not I should go to work with this cold.  When I finally woke up for good, about 6:30, I had the faintest of cramps.  I began to think that maybe things would turn out all right.  Maybe we’d still be on-track.

When I went to the bathroom, the spotting had gotten heavier, but still nothing close to a period.  I called in late to work and waited for the clinic to call.

And waited.

And waited.

When 10:00 rolled around and I still hadn’t gotten a call, I called and left a message.  And then I went to work.  Just as I was leaving for my first home visit of the day–a full 24 hours since our appointment yesterday–I got a call from the clinic saying that they still didn’t have the results of my blood work.  The dumb-ass lab had sent my blood out of state for some stupid reason, and the nurse was hoping to have the results just before noon.  Which came and went, still without a call.

Sometime during my second home visit, I checked my phone and saw that I had a voicemail.  Which I couldn’t stop thinking about the rest of the visit.  When I was finally able to check, lo and behold, it was Dr. C himself–which is never a good sign.  According to his message, it’s a cyst, not an unwise attempt at ovulation.  And, if there’s any good news here, it’s that the cyst isn’t producing any hormones, as evidenced by the fact that I started bleeding in earnest right around lunch time.  But he wanted to talk about what we should do about it, and asked me to let the clinic know when would be a good time for him to call back.

What I love about Dr. C is that when I called the clinic, I was informed that he wasn’t in the office today but was working from home.  He called me from his house, you guys.  And he called me back after work, as I had requested.

Here’s the thing.  Even though the cyst isn’t producing estrogen, it could still fuck with our chances of getting good follicles–and therefore good eggs and embryos–by its mere presence.  Apparently it’s huge.  Dr. C also mentioned my high-ish FSH (thanks for the reminder) and the fact that there’s a possibility we won’t even have enough good-quality embryos to make it to biopsy and PGS as it is, so why start off with another strike against us?

He’s got a good point.  As I type this, there are tears in my eyes, but I have to remember that the whole reason we’re opting for the extra expense of genetic testing is that we want to give ourselves the very best chance of this IVF cycle working.  And this isn’t the way to do it.

So I have to go back on BCPs tomorrow (yay–no, wait, I mean, boo).  The IVF coordinator will call to go over a new calendar, which pushes everything to after the holidays.  This was the original plan, so I shouldn’t be so bummed out about it.  Except I am.

I just am.

If there’s a silver lining (Hubby was just asking me what this phrase meant), I guess it’s that work-wise, the timing would have sucked.  I have IEPs and other meetings coming up.  Plus, we have a shitload of deadlines coming up before Christmas.  Throw-myself-into-my-work-in-a-lame-attempt-to-distract-myself-from-the-calendar-of-events-hanging-on-my-refrigerator-that-we-should-be-following-but-we’re-not it is.

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16 thoughts on “Cramps? Bleeding? Please, oh, please?

  1. You know what: even though this works out better, news like this still sucks. I’m so sorry. I had a cyst once before my first IUI cycle and it resulted in the cycle being canceled. Granted, it worked out better that that happened, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

    My vote is a good bottle of wine/beer/hard cider (you get the idea), some comfort food and a night of bad TV. Indulge. Mourn. Cry. Because even though I know you’ll move forward, this still is a blow.

    Many hugs.

  2. Don’t let this get you down for too long. Give yourself a bit of time, let the hormones do their thing, let out a little cry, indulge in a bit of chocolate, ice cream or whatever it is your body is craving and then start mentally prepping for the next step because you know that that step is a definitive. It’s no longer a matter of if but instead a when and that timeframe is now just a matter of the right cycle. And lots of virtual hugs to you.

    And by the way, your doc is pretty awesome, by the sounds of it.

  3. I had a cyst show up too! Gotta love when our bodies defy birth control and try to ovulate anyway.

    At least yours isn’t producing estrogen, in my case it was and pushed my schedule off a whole month. Didn’t effect the amount of follies either, I had about an equal number from both ovaries on retrieval day 🙂

  4. I have a persistent cyst on my left, and while I didn’t get as many eggs from that side, I still got a few. The cyst is 3-5cm depending in the day and the tech. I’m sorry this sucks so much.

  5. Well, that sucks. I’ve had cysts before and even got pregnant on one of those cycles, but I totally understand why you’d want to give yourself the best shot possible. Especially when you’re handing over a LOT of money! I’m so sorry for this news. Hoping the waiting time passes quickly!

  6. ugh. I’m so sorry it’s happened and it’s adding to the already difficult wait. The only thing that is super comforting is that it seems like your doctor is really on it! So I’m very glad to hear that you’re getting good care. Thinking of you and hoping the next round is IT

  7. Postponing IVF really stinks but it can be so important. Your doctor sounds incredible. My first doctor did not postpone even though there were things that were not perfect. While we got a lot of eggs, only a small percentage made it to freeze. I often wonder had we waited one more week would things have been better. Hang in there and enjoy all your distractions and a needle-free holiday!

  8. Your husband is super-cute. I love his perspective.

    I’m disappointed for you, but glad that you’re making the right choice to give yourselves the best possible chance. It’s a difficult decision to come to terms with, but one you likely won’t regret.

  9. Oh, that sucks. I hate waiting and I especially hate waiting for something that I thought would be happening that later gets delayed. Boo to your cyst. But, I think you guys are doing the right thing…better to wait than to rush

  10. It’s very disappointing to have to wait longer when you are so ready to do this. I like the suggestions above on the wine and comfort food. Rest up and hope you get rid of that cold soon.

  11. I know this really, really sucks. But you’re totally right – it’s better to wait and give things the absolute best chance possible. Hang in there!

  12. Suck! Delays, waiting, holds, they all suck! I’m glad that your month is full. I hope that with work and the holidays time will fly by and you will be ready to start soon enough.

  13. The “right” decision doesn’t mean it comes without pain. I’m so sorry hun. This is *not* what I was hoping for you. Please know there are tears in my eyes as well. Though not a loss in the typical sense, I do consider the loss of time and hope painful in their own right. xo

  14. So sorry that this f’ing cyst has messed up your plans. I know there’s nothing I can really say that makes waiting easier. Just know that we’re with you through all the steps of the way…even when they’re crappy. I think it’s ok for you to feel bummed. Let yourself feel it, so you can actually move on from it in a few days. I’m not so great at fake happy, so I don’t recommend it. And you know all those IEP’s will be exciting enough to keep your mind off of things! 😛

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