Happy Birthday, Blog!

It all started with Zuzu’s Petals.  A scene in a movie that got me to sit in front of my computer and vent to an imaginary audience.  I never could have dreamed where it would lead, that it would lead to all of you.

A year ago, we hadn’t yet started Hubby’s magic hMG injections, but he’d been on hCG for almost three months.  He hadn’t seen the specialist in his home country yet, but I was optimistic, based on what Dr. Google had to say about the matter, that we’d be on the road to IVF in a few short months.  Definitely by summer.  Ha ha.  Ha ha ha.

Instead, the road has been long and twisty.  I find myself often asking, “Are we there yet?”  And the answer is still no.

A few weeks ago, when I began thinking about this upcoming blogiversary, I wanted to be able to say that–at last–we were beginning our first cycle of IVF.  Instead, we’re benched until after the holidays.  A year ago, when I started this blog, I hoped I’d be pregnant by now, one way or another, and I still feel very far from it.

But what I don’t feel anymore is alone.  And I have all of you to thank for that.  I started this blog to spew my thoughts and feelings, dreams and anxieties to the world, and all of you actually read them and could relate, somehow, to the mess in my head,  the emptiness of my uterus, and the brokenness of my heart.  You lifted me up.  And I am forever grateful for that.

By next year, I feel like I can say with some confidence that we will have made significant progress.  That our baby, if not here yet, will at least be on the way.  I’m less naive than I was when I first came to this space, but I haven’t completely lost hope.

Thank you, George Bailey.  You may have saved my life.

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24 thoughts on “Happy Birthday, Blog!

  1. Thank YOU! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, for your comments, for putting it all out there.

    It’s a funny thing about these blogs: in the process of us feeling less alone, you make others feel like there’s someone out there who gets it.

    Happy blogiversary!

    V.

  2. Happy Blogiversary. Though I know you’re not where you hoped you would be, look at all you have accomplished. You are in the middle of an IVF cycle (suppresssion counts), you and Hubby are making huge strides forward and there is a good chance that all of this will work out. Hang in there.

    • Thanks, Cristy. I’m having a hard time thinking of this time on BCP as “counting,” but I definitely wouldn’t be on the stuff if it weren’t for IVF! We have come a long way, and I hope our current momentum continues!

    • I’m so glad that, as much as I hate that any of us has to go through this, we’re doing it in a time when technology gives us at least a chance at building our families and the ability to connect with others all over the world who know exactly how hard this all is.

  3. Happy blogiversary, my friend. I’m so glad you’re here, sharing all the hope and pain that you endure every day. And I truly wish nothing but the best for you by the time you celebrate birthday #2.

  4. It’s hard not to look back on the last year without anything but frustration and sadness. At least from where those of us who are still struggling are sitting. But you are so right to acknowledge the good in the last year. This community where we’ve both received and given support and sympathetic ears is something that is so important. Important for our survival, hearts, and sanity. Happy blogiversary my friend. May this next year be a grand one for you!

  5. I know how frustrating it must be for you, but at least you are through with this year. You don’t ever have to experience it again and you made it through. That’s something to celebrate!

  6. It’s a long road, but you are a strong woman and I love that you ended this post so full of hope. I have a lot of hope for you too. Thanks for continuing to share your journey.

  7. Happy Blogaversary! You’ve poured your heart and soul into the blog and connected with so many people because of it – you are definitely not alone – you provide hope, humor, and honesty to your loyal readers. And, someday, you’ll have the luxury of your struggles being a distant memory… hopefully soon. xoxo

    • Aw, thanks, love. I don’t want to distance myself too much from our current struggles–I want to remember everything we went through to get (hopefully) to the other side–but I hope they’ll hurt less with the passage of time.

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