We dropped off Hubby’s prescription for testosterone injections at the pharmacy tonight.  He won’t start them for a few weeks, but it’s a big step.  A step off the infertility roller coaster, at least, for him.

Hindsight being 20/20, we should have done IVF back in September, when Hubby’s sperm count was at its peak.  In the past few months, his numbers have dropped off a cliff.  The sample he gave to be frozen on Monday was a measly .03 million.  That’s 30,000 sperm.

They’re poorer quality, too, with motility at only 20%.  If we ever need these spermsicles down the road, there won’t be many little guys to choose from.

I know it doesn’t really matter when we’re talking about ICSI.  I know we only need a few.  But I wish we could somehow go back and freeze the best samples we had, when his count was closer to a million and motility, at its best, was 72%.  Those are the sperm I want in charge of half the DNA of our future embryos.

But the truth is we may never get a chance to use the frozen sperm we have now.  Unless we can come up with another $20,000.  Or move to a state where insurance coverage is mandated.

This upcoming FET may be our one shot at a biological child(ren).  And if it doesn’t work–well, I don’t like to think about what will happen if it doesn’t work.  But if we ever get another shot at it, we’ve only got the B-team sperm to work with.

I don’t know why Hubby’s balls suddenly decided to go on strike.  And if we really wanted to, I suppose we could continue Hubby’s injections indefinitely, hoping the numbers go back up.  But that’s expensive, and not even close to a guarantee.

So we have what we have.  A few less-than-stellar samples, which we may or may not get to use for future rounds of IVF.  At least it’s something.  That’s all we really wanted, right?  Something out of nothing.


15 thoughts on “Spermsicles

  1. I sure hope this upcoming cycle works for you!

    We have sperm on ice too, and have no intentions of using it, but I just can’t let it go yet. I also wish we’d done it sooner, when the sperm wasn’t as bad as it was when we realized we were in real trouble. Things went downhill so fast, that we were told to get it frozen immediately without trying anything to make it better.

    You are right – it only takes a few with ICSI. But, even that arguement didn’t make me feel better 😉

  2. I feel like we’re in the same boat. My husband is looking at going on testosterone and off HCG now. We’ve got some spermcicles (not sure the quality) and 2 frosties. But given that the frosties from our fresh transfer bit the dust, I worry about the quality of the remaining two. We’ve chatted about donor sperm bc quite frankly, we can’t afford a third IVF. It breaks my heart to think of losing the chance to have my husband’s child. I don’t “go there” very often either. Can you remind me what your husband’s condition is? Mine has Empty Sella Syndrome.

    • Hubby has hypogonadotropic hypogonadism, which is also a pituitary disorder. He’s been on both hCG and hMG to treat it. The hMG (Menopur) is what’s so freakin’ expensive to continue injecting him with three times a week. We haven’t discusses donor sperm as an option (yet?) because he’s annoyingly optimistic that this FET is going to work. I just like to have a plan B through Z in my back pocket. I hate that IVF is so expensive when it really is our only option for children that are genetically related to both of us.

      • Annoyingly optimistic, yeah, that’s exactly why my husband hasn’t wanted to make any plans beyond the current/very next one. It’s hard when you feel you can’t even start the discussion because of it.

  3. It’s hard knowing the results of the what ifs of the past. And It’s so horrible how the expense of ivf places limits on possibilities. I’m sending you a lot of prayers for the upcoming FET. Toes and fingers crossed.

  4. I hate that $ limits your options – and so many other people’s as well 😦 It just sucks. I hope that what you do have works for you. I hope that for you, very much.

  5. Being held back by money sucks. It makes this whole sucky situation so much worse. I’ve got my fingers and toes and everything else crossed that this FET works!

  6. For a while, I thought about moving just for the insurance coverage in a nearby state. I know you guys have some issues with job stuff right now, but I don’t think it’s a terrible idea to consider that further…

  7. I really hope you don’t ever have to think about what happens if it doesn’t work, because it WILL have worked. You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got; it’s always a crap shoot but for now I’m going to go with your husband’s annoying optimism. You have a huge cheering section out here! Sending so many good vibes for you guys and your little PHOIs.

  8. SOOOO hoping for success for you. It sounds like you guys are in a tough spot logistically and I’m sure it’s not easy emotionally either, but I love what you said at the end of your post. That optimism is powerful.

  9. I really hate that you are limited because of finances at the moment. I hope that can change with a move and/or employment with some insurance coverage. But most of all, I hope that this upcoming FET will work for you and not put you back on the bench again.

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