One Week

One week from today, I will be lounging on the couch for the first of two days of bed rest following our frozen embryo transfer.  Assuming all continues to go well.

The idea that, in seven days, I’ll be as close to pregnant as I’ve ever been is starting to sink in a little, and I’m freaking out.  The worry is just beginning to set in, and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse the closer we get.

Last night, I finally did the exercise my therapist recommended: worry time.  I set the timer for 15 minutes and began writing.  A snippet:

Today I’m worried…

That something will go wrong at tomorrow’s appointment.

That there will be a cyst, or my hormone levels will be off, or my lining will be too thin.

That I have too much work to do to miss another morning of work.

That [my supervisor] is going to get tired of me leaving for doctor’s appointments all the time.

That I’m gaining weight.

That I’ve been so lazy the last couple of days I’ve been eating crap & not caring.

That I’m going to get pregnant with twins and get super fat!

But it didn’t feel right to stop there.  I knew there were solutions to some of these worries, things I could do, if not right that second, in the coming hours or days.  So I continued to write:

What I can do about it:

1. I can’t do anything about tomorrow’s appointment.  I’ve done everything I can–given myself injections, applied patches–exactly when I’m supposed to.  The rest is out of my hands.

2. Admittedly, work is not my top priority lately, but I haven’t exactly been slacking off, either.  I can do what I can do in a given 40 hours, and this week I’ve got plenty to do.

3. I’ve already told [my supervisor] the reason for all these appointments, and she understands.  She’s on my side.

9. Eat right.  Exercise.  Buy something healthy when you go shopping tomorrow.  Ride the stationary bike while watching TV or reading blogs/poems.  And if you get fat?  Who cares–you’ll have twins!

The plan is to do this exercise again tonight, and share the results with Dr. N. tomorrow.  My new list is going to include things like hoping both Cryo-kids survive the thaw and wondering if I can still go hiking with my family in the week following the transfer.  (But it won’t include worry that the laptop will fry the embryos–I asked at today’s appointment, and the nurse told me that if I put a pillow between the laptop and my uterus, it should be fine.)

As for today?  Lining is 10-11 cm.  There was a follicle on the right, but hormone levels are where they should be–progesterone is low, and I’ll go back on Friday to make sure it stays that way before I begin PIO injections.  Estrogen is fine.  The patches are working, and I don’t have to add Estrace to the mix.  Score 1 for my body actually doing something right.

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19 thoughts on “One Week

  1. Exciting!! I am with you on who cares if you get fat?! I’d get fat to have one baby let alone two! And LOL about the laptop frying the babies. I had never thought of that. You are obviously very prepared so I hope you will beable to rest.

  2. That seems like a useful exercise. I think I’ll try it myself. I hope everything goes well with your transfer and I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for healthy babies!

  3. I’ve thought the same thing about my laptop. I got one of those lap-desk things. It’s sort of soft and bean-baggy on the bottom and a flat surface on top for the computer.
    So glad your body is cooperating 🙂

    • I have something similar for my laptop, but it doesn’t seem to keep the heat from leaking through. Hopefully a pillow will do the trick!

  4. Oh I’m so glad you are doing these lists! I learned this technique in my mindfulness class and it has made such a big difference in my life. Not sure how into mindful living you are, but there is a great book called Buddha’s Brain that I’m starting. Full of good things to help with stress and mindful living. I only wish I had found it during my IVF cycles. Hang in there and be kind to yourself – your body is doing all the right things! That, dear, is good reason to celebrate 🙂

  5. Oh, this is such exciting news. I’m already sending lots of good vibes to your uterus. I like this worry time you’ve set aside and how you decided to take those worries and then figure out what to do with them. SO much more productive than just continuing to worry about them.

    • Yes–except I’ve only managed to do it the one time. I’m hoping to get into more of a routine with it, but it hasn’t happened so far. I’m trying to do better!

  6. I love that you also included “what you can do about it” as part of your worry log. Very important and eases the mind a bit… So very excited for you and praying for a smooth and successful transfer, nothing less!

  7. I love this worry exercise and your addition of what you can do about it. Making myself differentiate between things I can and can’t do something about is one of my biggest worrying battles. There aren’t words to say how much I’m crossing everything, praying, and hoping for this cycle to be the one for you. Let’s take the good results from your appointment as a good omen! 🙂

  8. I hope today’s appointment went well!

    I love your lists – especially the second part! I’m sure your therapist will be amazed by all the work you did!

    Just one more week – you are so close. Hope everything including transfer will be going well! FX!

  9. What a great exercise. Sounds like it was helpful to you. I love that you went beyong the basic worry list to talk about what you could do about it. Way to show that anxiety who’s boss.

  10. A week away! I won’t be far behind, so you’re not alone. I’m totally with you on trying to control what I can and not worry about what I can’t. Easier said than done, but sounds like you’re off to a good start.

  11. Ha. I always used to get paranoid about the laptop thing too. Glad I’m not the only one!
    This is getting so exciting! Less than a week now, and your body is doing all that it should in prep, and so are you! I love that you took that list and turned it inside out with positive thoughts.

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