According to Dr. C, nothing about our failed cycle can be chalked up to poor egg quality or ute problems. He proclaimed that he’s more thorough than most when it comes to checking out the lady bits pre-IVF to ensure he knows what he’s working with. That the only thing he’d do differently is start me out at the mega-high dose of stims I ended up needing and decrease it later in the cycle.
Of course, he ended up contradicting himself yet again, saying that I responded well and that we should be happy we ended up with four embryos. Whatever.
I don’t know how to feel about this news. Part of me was hoping he could identify a problem. Something that could be addressed and fixed. Something that would make our next cycle work.
What he did say is that there’s a possibility Hubby’s sperm is the problem, even though we had a high fertilization rate and ended up with four blasts. That at the time of transfer, the male DNA starts working, and this could be the reason our embryos stalled out. My HCG was at 2 nine days after transfer, which tells us nothing about whether or not our embryos tried to implant and failed or didn’t even get that far.
If Hubby’s sperm is fucked up, every IVF cycle we try will end in failure. Still, Dr. C recommended trying again. A $20,000 gamble I’m not sure I want to make. Except that it’s the only thing Hubby’s willing to do right now. Dr. C mentioned donor sperm but said he wouldn’t go there unless it was something we’d already discussed and were ready to do. Which we haven’t and we’re not.
The biggest problem right now is how we’ll pay for it if we do go again. Dr. C said he’d give us a discount, but he didn’t say how much that would knock off the price. My guess is not much. He also recommended the financing company they use, which offers various plans, including packages for multiple rounds of IVF/FET. Another discussion Hubby and I have to have.
I made it through the whole appointment without crying. I saved that for the parking lot, when Hubby and I were discussing when we might be able to scrounge up enough money to do another cycle, and he said a few months one way or the other isn’t going to make a difference. And I had to explain to him–again!–that I’m not getting any younger.
I’m a little overwhelmed right now and not sure what we’ll do next. We still have time to figure it out. The only thing I do know is that we’re not ready to give up.