My bracket is busted. Broken beyond repair. Unlike last year, I’m probably going to lose to my husband this time.
Admittedly, I didn’t take much time or care in filling out my bracket this year. I actually did it the evening after I woke up in the middle of the night puking, so I wasn’t in great shape. And I committed the cardinal sin of picking the team closest to us geographically (practically across the street, actually) to make it to the final. They lost in the first round.
The worst part about losing is that I’d signed up for a $10,000 prize if I had the best-of-all-brackets. Money that could have gone toward our next attempt at IVF. I knew the chances were slim, but unlike our most recent bet, I had nothing to lose.
During Hubby’s Skype interview yesterday, he was informed that he was one of four people they were talking to before making a final decision. He was joking that he’d made it to the final four. The closest he’s gotten so far to having an offer in hand. By the end of next week, there will be one person left standing. I hope it’s my husband.
He keeps saying things like, “Maybe the other people will have a problem with all the travel,” or “Maybe the first person they offer it to will turn it down.” I have to remind him that he doesn’t want to get a job because everyone else sucks. He wants the job that’s the right fit for him, and with an organization that knows how great he is. Of course, at this point, I’m also thinking any ol’ job will do. But I don’t tell him that.
Another company has also shown interest in him and wants to set up an interview, so maybe this is the start of a good trend. Maybe things are finally starting to go our way.
Yesterday in therapy, Dr. N encouraged me to think of any money we spend on IVF as an investment in the possibility to have a child. After everything we’ve already invested–hope, time, emotional upheaval–with nothing in return, I have a hard time thinking of this investment as anything but wasted. And I can’t help but think any future attempts will end the same way. No one in their right mind would continue to make that kind of investment. But here we sit, still contemplating ways to do just that. We can’t claim we’re naive, so it must be stupidity or delusion leading us down this path again.
That or dumb, fucking hope.