There’s a reason I refer to my good friend as “Sincerity” on this blog. When our IVF/FET cycle failed, I emailed her to let her know I wouldn’t be attending our writing group for a while, as I wasn’t feeling uber creative at the moment. She emailed me back that she understood how it might be difficult for me, but that I should let her know whenever I wanted to talk. I hadn’t wanted to for weeks. Until last night.
I had texted her earlier in the week to see if she wanted to get together. Since she and her boyfriend are going out of town this weekend, we decided to meet for dinner on the night Hubby teaches his class. (Lately, the alternative is me spending a sulky night at home by myself.) We spent three hours chatting over a hippie/ayurvedic/vegetarian dinner and chai, and I came home feeling calm and refreshed.
I was especially happy to see her after dealing with my former friend who thoughtlessly dropped her pregnancy bomb directly over my empty uterus. Sincerity didn’t start out the conversation by pitying me or offering meaningless platitudes. We didn’t even talk about the failed cycle at all for the first two hours of our dinner. And when we did, she brought it up.
She acknowledged that I was going through a grieving process and told me I didn’t have to talk about it if I didn’t want to. But if I did, she was there to listen. And that’s exactly what she did. She didn’t offer simplistic “solutions” to our problem. She didn’t say it was meant to be or that god would fix us. She didn’t say she understood how I felt. (She also shared in my frustration at how D. had disappeared, said all the wrong things, and completely disregarded my feelings. She may have even called her “a terrible human being,” possibly the meanest thing I’ve ever heard Sincerity say. And I loved every second of it.)
And in return, I told her how much I appreciated her friendship, in light of recent demonstrations of the opposite. How grateful I was that I could talk to her about this stuff and that she truly listens.
I may have mentioned this before, but she’s the person I want to be when I grow up.