Another Birthday

I’m starting to hate birthdays.

This year, my husband got me a book, a tradition that has become so predictable it’s almost comical.  He is taking me out to a fancy dinner tonight, though, so that sort of makes up for it.

My other presents include getting my period and crossing over that invisible line into advanced maternal age.

I’m actually happy about the period.  A day later than I was expecting, but still in plenty of time to keep this upcoming IVF on track.

The other thing?  Ugh.  I don’t even want to talk about it.  It’s not how I ever, ever, ever pictured my life turning out, let’s just put it that way.

Maybe it’s the cramps talking.  They’re making me crabby.

We went shopping today, and I bought myself a birthday gift–a pink scarf with fat little birds all over it–which made me feel a bit better.  I might wear it to dinner tonight.  I’ll take what little scraps of joy I can muster, just to get through what would otherwise be a reminder that I’m only getting older, and we still don’t have a baby–or even a pregnancy–to celebrate.

Summer is hard.  Between Mother’s Day and Hubby’s birthday, we have three months of these reminders.  Father’s Day is coming too soon for there to be a change, but maybe–maybe–by our anniversary, I won’t feel the urge to cross certain days off the calendar.

That’s the only birthday wish I’m making this year.

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20 thoughts on “Another Birthday

  1. Daryl- I can understand your pain with the birthday reminder of getting older and no baby yet. I too struggle with the dates that just magnify our situation . Love that you bought yourself a pink scarf. Pink is the color of fertility.. keep wearing this long after your birthday. Glad you are enjoying your time out of the country and with family. Oh and Happy Birthday!

  2. I know how you feel. It can be almost (but only ALMOST) funny how different are real lives are as they proceed compared to the images we had drawn up in our head. Try to enjoy the day.

  3. Happy birthday, Daryl! I’m so sorry this is a hard one for you. I think every birthday spent while TTC can feel tainted, but I hope by this time next year, you’ll have big things to celebrate. Enjoy your day!

  4. Happy Birthday!!! My next birthday is the “crossing over” one too. I wish it didn’t have “Doomsday” written all over it in my head, because really, it’s not that much different from being 34. I hope your birthday wish comes true!

  5. Thinking of you today. Hope you are able to enjoy the birthday, but I understand exactly how you feel. I hope your birthday wish comes true!

  6. Happy Birthday!
    Sorry for the reminder of another year without a little one. I know my 35th birthday was the hardest one for me because of the “advanced maternal age” thing. It sucks.

  7. Happy birthday. Hitting that advanced maternal age mark does suck big time. It’s just another reminder we don’t need. Hope you find a way to enjoy your birthday just a little.

  8. Just think of it this way…no matter how old you get, I’ll always be even older. 😉 I know how hard that 35th sucked, and I’m sorry you’re feeling that way too. But believe it or not, my RE was still referring to me as “young”…I guess they see a lot of patients much closer to 40. It’s not like it’s a magic barrier and something changes drastically. Your birthday present to yourself sounds super cute. Have a great dinner!

  9. Happy birthday, friend! Take those scraps of joy and hang on to them. You deserve every little joy you can get and so much more than that. Sending you love and light!

  10. Happy Birthday, Daryl! May your years of “advanced maternal age” bring you lots of luck! I’m getting there, too! 🙂

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