No Worries.

You guys.  Seriously.  You’re the best.  I can’t thank all of you enough for talking me down from what would have otherwise been an epic fuh-reak out.  The logical part of my brain knew not to do that, but I really needed each of your voices to reassure me that this will probably turn out to be nothing.  So thank you.  Or, merci, as I should get used to saying.

I’ve made up my mind to stop worrying about what an abnormal pap could mean until I have legitimate reason to be concerned (if and when that ever happens).  Besides, I’ve had a few other things to worry about.

Like the random, 12-hour stomach bug I had on Wednesday, culminating in a bedtime vomit, and if or how this might affect Thumper.  I have since stopped worrying about this since I’ve been feeling tiny kicks throughout the day–even feeling a couple of them from the outside!–which has reassured me that she’s doing just fine.  A little bit of concern returned this morning, however, when I stepped on the scale to see a nearly 2-pound deficit.  Yikes.  Whether this is due to dehydration or lack of food, I’m not sure, but I’m certain I’ll more than make up for it in the coming days.

Or just how rusty my French has become in the 13 years since I last used it on a regular basis.  I tested myself online, and was shocked to discover that I’ve forgotten even the most basic vocabulary.  I keep telling myself it’ll all come back to me once we move and I hear/read/speak the language on a daily basis, but I’ve become less and less worried about it as I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will most likely not be working in the three months between our arrival in Montreal and Thumper’s arrival, let alone for months and months (hopefully longer) following it.  And for the rest of my everyday interactions, English will probably suffice.

So what does that leave to worry about?  Medical bills?  I’ve submitted my application for Medicaid and can now only wait until I get an answer one way or the other.  Monday’s ultrasound?  Feeling movement has done wonders to decrease my anxiety.  My biggest worry now is that we find out the sex of the baby so Hubby can stop moping and speculating about the likelihood Thumper is a boy and not the girl he so desperately wants.

I stayed home from work yesterday, since I wasn’t sure whatever made me sick Wednesday night had left my system.  This also meant I cancelled the therapy session I had scheduled after work.  I hesitated for a second about doing this, since I actually felt fine all day yesterday, but on second though, I couldn’t think of much that was giving me enough anxiety to warrant paying a professional to discuss it.

Which may be why I haven’t been writing much here, either.  I do have lots of thoughts on books I’ve been reading and TV I’ve been watching (is anyone else watching Masters of Sex?), but those will have to wait for a later post.

Until then, I’m going to enjoy my weekend, which includes breakfast with the friend who offered to throw me a baby shower (weird, right?) and possibly even maternity clothes shopping, since very little of my fall wardrobe fits over my growing belly.  A problem that, for a long, long time, I never thought I’d have.  I am delighted to have it now.

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10 thoughts on “No Worries.

  1. I am SOOOO jealous that you are feeling little kicks from the outside. At week 16 I thought I felt a bunch of flutters, but now in week 17 – nothing 😦 I have my doppler, but I still worry. Your stomach bug sounds nasty (how’d you like that little taste of the nausea you missed?)! Hopefully you continue through the weekend with no more puking and that your appointment next week reveals a beautifully healthy baby (girl for hubby!). Super excited to know what you’re having as well! And no I haven’t been watching Masters of Sex. What do you think? Is it worth it?

    • I also started feeling movement at about 16 weeks, but it wasn’t consistent. The last few days it’s been pretty regular, so I’m sure it’s right around the corner for you! I had the same thought about the nausea. I was miserable for one day, and it was killing me! I’m such a wuss.

  2. You’re not allowed to worry about French. Seriously, you could totally get by in Montreal if you didn’t speak a word of it. When I was learning, I was there and tried to order lunch in French. The guy could tell I was struggling so he switched to English, and (because I was frustrated at people doing that when I was trying to learn) I yelled at him to stop it because I needed to practice and I wasn’t going to learn if people kept stopping me! He laughed and said “vous avez raison!” and let me continue. It’ll come back fast and you’ll be fine.

    • I hope so. I was more worried about it when every job listing I found asked for “bilingual French/English.” I am kind of excited to see how quickly it comes back, now that I actually have an opportunity to use it, for a change!

  3. That IS a nice problem to have! Enjoy the maternity shopping! As for your French, while the whole bilingual thing is really very politicized in Quebec, Montreal is actually an almost universally English speaking city and we have family friends who lived there for decades without speaking a word of French. Of course I’m always in favour of learning as much of the local language as possible, but you’ll survive even if you have only a basic grasp.

    I’ve been watching Masters of Sex and am hooked! I was going to write a post about it at some point, because I think so many of the background themes are tied into (in)fertility and even loss, which I wasn’t expecting when we started watching (I didn’t know that Masters was a fertility specialist before his studies on human sexuality). I’m always touched and encouraged when those themes are dealt with in mainstream media, and I think the portrayals, if brief, were largely authentic. But then, I’m also just thinking Masters was potentially a giant nutter…Please don’t include spoilers, I’m not sure how far behind we are here in the UK!

    • I think that’s why I haven’t written about it yet–I want to give my thoughts without giving too much away! I wasn’t expecting the infertility/loss aspect, either, but I think it’s pretty well done.

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