Viability

Today is the 24 week mark.  Viability.  Of course, I hope Thumper stays put for another 16 or so weeks, but it is a small comfort to know that, if the worst should happen, measures would be taken to save her precious life.

In the last week leading up to this milestone, my imagination has run wild with worst-case scenarios.  I saw myself taking a tumble down some stairs and then blood–so much blood.  I envisioned my little Thumper freezing in time, stopping all movement.  I could almost feel contractions, amniotic fluid leaking.  Just last night, I dreamed my water broke, and woke up terrified.

I’m still terrified of premature labor, of having a very sick baby in the NICU, or worst of all, one that doesn’t survive.  But knowing that it’s possible for her to survive helps a little.

What is not viable, as it turns out, is our plan to move to Montreal by January 1.  Hubby received an email yesterday morning from the consulate where his application for a work permit is being processed stating that they are currently finalizing applications submitted on August 13.  That’s a four month processing time, not three, as we were originally led to believe.

He sent another email asking for details on his application specifically, but we probably won’t get any more information than what we have right now.  Which is that his application could be processed anytime between early January and early February.  This sends all our plans and preparations into turmoil.  I’ll have to amend my letter of resignation and see if it’s still possible to stay on the agency’s health insurance.  We’ll have to let our landlady know we’ll be here at least another month, and we need to make arrangements with the moving company to push our planned move date back.

All of these things are probably doable.  But the professor Hubby is supposed to work with is not pleased by these developments.  Not that we can do anything about it.  I just feel bad for Hubby, who was so ready to get back to work after months of not having an income.  And who now feels like he’s reneging on the agreement he made with the professor.

We have zero control over this situation.  I don’t understand how this can be standard practice.  How is anyone supposed to plan a move when deadlines can be pushed back willy-nilly like this?  But that’s what we’re dealing with.

I’m currently reading Mindful Birthing, by Nancy Bardacke, CNM, and came across a couple of gems today, just when I needed them:

“…remember: everyone is doing the very best they can, including and especially you.” (p. 234)

“Since we just don’t know, you can decide in the moment.  You will find your own way.” (p. 237)

Of course, she’s talking about labor, but I found these ideas incredibly helpful to me right now.  We don’t know what’s going to happen (or when), so we just have to do the best we can.  It’s scary, and it sucks, but it’s out of our hands.  You’d think we’d be used to that concept by now.

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9 thoughts on “Viability

  1. Oh, good grief. I’m so sorry, Daryl! I hate how so much of what happens to any of us on a daily basis is in the hands of someone else. This change of plans totally sucks and has to be so stressful. Stay strong and hang in there. Thinking of you!

  2. Yes, happy viability! What a milestone, eh? (Had to throw the “eh” in there in honor of your move to Canada!) Speaking of Canada – I’m sorry the move is all screwed up. What a nightmare! Is there any way you all can move up there temporarily before the visa stuff is approved? Can you get some kind of temporary work permit, pending visa approval? I’m sure you’ve though of all of this, but I thought I’d add my two cents. Good luck!

    • Thanks, Sarah. Actually, it’s the work permit that’s holding things up. As US citizens, we don’t need any kind of visa to move to Canada, and the work permit was only supposed to take three months max. So much for that…

  3. Bleurgh. Such an annoying setback. In my way-too-extensive experience with international moves, that is precisely standard practice for consular services, and since they call all the shots, well….As you said, you’re doing the best you can! Love those two quotes.

    And congratulations on hitting viability! That is a big milestone indeed.

  4. Why can’t ANYTHING ever just go as planned? Grrrr. As I prepare to move in the next 2-weeks, I can strongly empathize with your worries. There is nothing worse than feeling unsettled and unsure of when you’ll move and where you’ll live when you get there – ESPECIALLY with a baby on the way. Moving 45-minutes away is stressful, forget about moving to another country! Sounds like you have an amazing attitude about it all though.

    As for viability, I am 4 days behind you and it’s mind blowing. In my heart I always knew we’d get here, but I certainly haven’t forgotten the moments of frustration, angst, and sadness that came before. I know you haven’t either.

    Here’s to the remainder of our pregnancies being complication free and our pending moves (whenever they may be) going as smoothly as possible! Such life-changing adventures!

  5. Hitting viability is a great milestone! And I know all to well how the mind can play with you when fear set in.
    So sorry there is trouble with organising the move in time. Must be really frustrating when you were all ready to go.

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