The Un-bitter Infertile

Friday was my last day of work.  One of my home visits that day was with a favorite family.  I’ve mentioned them before.  K and I had a really good chat about infertility and treatments and what resolution looks like.  Ever since she found out about my pregnancy, she’s been nothing but positive, supportive, and inquisitive about our plans.  I don’t know if it’s because she’s raising three smart, beautiful, challenging kids (through foster adoption, the last of which should be finalized within the month), but she has never struck me as the bitter type.

In January, after a couple of weeks of not seeing this family because of the holidays, she greeted me with a “Look at you!  I love pregnant bellies.”  Not something you would expect from the mouth of the typical infertile.  At least, not something I would normally say to an obviously pregnant woman, no matter what our relationship was.

At the end of Friday’s visit, she brought out a pink baby bathtub overflowing with tiny items she wanted to give me for Thumper.  A yellow hooded bathrobe.  A sleeping gown.  Swaddling blankets.  Clothes.  Various shades of pink wash cloths.  Toys.  Board books.

I was blown away, especially when she talked about going through Baby Girl’s things a while back, for a friend who was having a baby, and finding an outfit that still had a crusty spot of formula on it.  “It smelled  like her newborn days, and I thought, ‘I’m not going to wash it.  I’m just going to put it right back where it was.”

Because, like so many of us, she doesn’t know when or if she’ll get to have another baby.  She did tell me once that she would still like to experience pregnancy, but it’s not in their immediate plans.  They want to move out of state once Baby Girl’s adoption is finalized, which would mean starting over with a new RE if they did decide to pursue treatments again.  It would also require starting over with foster adoption if they went that route for #4.

No matter what they do, they don’t have an easy road ahead of them.  But I wish them the best.  And unlike many of the other families that have come and gone from our program, the countless goodbyes I have said, this is one family I intend to keep in touch with.  Because K and I have something in common that I didn’t share with any of those other moms.  We’ve both had to fight–hard–to try to achieve the families we want.

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One thought on “The Un-bitter Infertile

  1. Ya know, two of my three baby showers were co-hosted by women who have longer infertility histories than I do and who have yet to achieve pregnancy. I keep thinking I need to write about this, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. I felt so guilty and kept apologizing and telling them I understood that it was probably really difficult and that it was okay by me if they wanted to NOT do it. But they always shrugged it off and said that it was a little bit difficult but that it was somehow different because it had not come easily for me. I get that, you know? Someone from our team WON. It wasn’t us this time. But if it happened for her, maybe it’ll be us next time.

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