I have beautifully crafted, elegantly worded posts cluttering up my head that have not made it as far as the keyboard, let alone to this space. But instead, I’m angrily tapping out this little gem on my phone while, ironically enough, baby girl nibbles at my breast.
Ironic because, after a much-needed nap (mine–baby girl has refused to sleep all day), I went to the bathroom and discovered red blood on the tissue. Not quite 10 weeks after giving birth and while working my ass off to exclusively breastfeed.
Not having a period is supposed to be a perk to this whole breastfeeding gig. One I desperately need after dealing with all the shit we’ve been through to get to this point. Which, by the way, still includes open wounds and nipple pain.
Just what I need, on top of the emotional turmoil of being responsible for keeping another human alive, is this reminder of my supposed “fertility.” Because no matter how many periods I have, we are still infertile. I just wanted to be able to enjoy baby girl for awhile without the monthly reminder of what we will one day have to endure–this time as a family of three–if and when we want to give her a sibling.
So fucking unfair.