2 + 1

My daughter turned two yesterday. We celebrated in our own way, mostly at home, with cake and balloons and Skype for the family who couldn’t be here. She had a good day. It was a good day for all of us. And I didn’t document a single thought about it here.

I’ve been absent from blogs and blogging for months now. Even when I managed to peck out short updates in this space, I wasn’t reading other blogs much, if at all, and the few views each of my sporadic posts received reflected that. I could stack my reasons and excuses a mile high, but that doesn’t keep me from scolding myself for abandoning this once-sacred place. 

And it’s not like I’ve been needing it less. Anyone reading my most recent posts probably assumes I’ve blissed out–you know, that thing infertility bloggers do when they’ve finally gotten their arms around their longed-for child and disappear from the blogosphere. Sometimes all at once, sometimes in a slow fade. We have the child, we have the dream job, we have our new life in a fairytale land. And just like that–poof!–all the angst of years of infertility and unemployment is supposed to be a distant memory.

But, if anything, I’ve needed this space more now than since before I got pregnant. I hope I’ll be able to make myself post more regularly about the reasons why, but for now, let’s just say that writing blog posts in my head isn’t cutting it. I’ve missed this space, and I’ve missed meeting each of you in your own cozy corner of the blogiverse.

I’m not going to declare that I’m back. I’ve been far too flighty for that, and anyone who’s still reading this has been around long enough not to fall for it. But I can say I’ll try. And thank you. If you’re still here, thank you.

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12 thoughts on “2 + 1

  1. I too have almost completely neglected my blog. Not from the happy ending, but more from everyone else getting their happy ending and just disappearing like me and my support was only important when the receiver was getting it. I still need that support and everyone I started this journey with has up and left. It’s hard to be the one left behind as much as it’s hard to need the space but the blogger has carved out a specific topic to write about and they just don’t know how to keep writing afterwards. I have email prompts for your posts because you are one of the few that never left my side and offered unending support. I need to blog more because I need it now more than ever. But it feels like, if I do, it will fall on deaf ears. I just…don’t know. Thinking of you often xoxo

    • Oh, hun, I’m so sorry you’re feeling left behind. It’s so hard to have the diagnosis and even possible treatment options but not be able to move forward because of financial or other circumstances. I hope you’ll return to blogging or find another source of support. You can always email me, too, if you want.

  2. Good to hear from you, friend! And happy birthday to Missy! I have been thinking of you more and more as I realized that more and more time has passed since your last post. Your absence is understandable, but I am always here. Sometimes blogging, always reading. Can’t quite tell from this update, but I hope you’re well. In every way. Many hugs to you. xo

    • Thanks, friend! We are mostly well, but moving to a new place and being so far away from family us hard. Some days I deal with it better than others, but I’ve missed my usual therapy–blogging. It’s good to know someone is still out there when I do come back, even after so long.

  3. Still here and still reading. You’re right about the trend of people upping and leaving. Yet I often think what keeps them away is this myth of “happily ever after” and the guilt they may not be feeling it. It’s what we wanted, right?

    May you find writing to be therapeutic. It’s hard to come back, but I’ve found it to be very worthwhile.

    • Thank you. Yes, I think there are lots of factors that lead people to abandon their blogs. One is that they feel they don’t need the support they were getting when trying to conceive and/or sustain a pregnancy. But parenthood is hard, too, and I’m grateful for the bloggers who have stuck around for the “after”.

  4. I’m still reading! I’ve been bad about blogging and commenting (mostly) myself, although in my case it’s got nothing to do with “happily ever after” and more “where the hell do people find the time?” I hope you find the time to get out whatever’s on your mind.

    • Time is definitely a factor! It would help if my girl was sleeping better…but I’ve been saying that for two years. So glad you’re still here!

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