Spring

In Montreal, it seemed all I ever wrote about was snow and ice. Our first winter here was relatively mild, although, by all accounts, wetter than usual. We’ve had a few warm days, but until this week, it hasn’t really felt like spring, despite the daffodils that have been blooming everywhere since late January. The trees are still bare naked, but at least the sun has come out.

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January 29th

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Easter egg hunt in our back “garden”

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Mother duck and 13(!) ducklings…I’m a little concerned we haven’t seen them since this photo was taken last week.

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Impromptu beach day


Along with the other signs of Spring, this afternoon I spotted a gaggle of Young Moms. There seem to be many more mothers of young children in their early 20s here than there are other first-time moms my age. I don’t envy them their youth or even their fertility. (I’m obviously making some big assumptions here. I know young women also experience infertility; I just didn’t get the impression that any of these women had, based on what little of their conversations I overheard.) I did envy them, though, and here’s why:

There were five of them, each with one child about a year old, give or take a few months. Some were walking, some were crawling, some were taking off, trying to escape the playground. But the thing was, without looking closely, you couldn’t tell which child belonged to each of them. When Child A was pushing at the gate, Child B’s mother swooped in to prevent him from fleeing. When C was lingering near the bottom of the slide, D’s mom shooed her from the danger zone. They weren’t just a group of friends, they were a tribe.

That’s what I’ve been missing. That’s the thing I haven’t had since becoming a mother–or maybe ever. We have no family here. The few friendships I’ve managed to cultivate are tenuous at best. We don’t even have a babysitter. There’s no one I can call for regular play dates, no one I’d feel comfortable leaving Missy with for even a few minutes, let alone a date night. And there’s no one for Missy to grow up with; even her birthday party was just the three of us.

Now that the weather is starting to improve, there will be more days at the park or the beach, more opportunities to meet other families. I hope it’s the start of a new season for us here. Beyond just settling in, I hope it’s a chance for us to begin to put down roots.

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7 thoughts on “Spring

  1. I didn’t feel like I had a tribe until recently, and of course, now WE’RE the ones moving. I soooo don’t look forward to starting over. Like at all. But I agree with you, warmer weather will most certainly be fertile ground for new friendships for you and for Missy. Sending lots of love to you and your family of 3 and hope that all is going well with hubby’s job there.

    • Starting over is so hard! I hope your move and all the transitions that come with it go smoothly. And thanks for asking about Hubby’s job! He really enjoys it, and I think he sees us being here for a good long while because of it, which is nice for a change.

  2. I can completely relate to this. And have a post brewing on this topic. It’s hard enough to move and find your tribe. Never mind through in a kid. And infertility prior to having said kid.

    I recently joined an online local mom’s group and need to force myself to participate (the introvert in me is struggling with this). And finding a sitter has required many a trial run and a lot of faith.

    You’re not alone. May you find your tribe soon.

    • Thank you! And I hope you find yours, too! We do go to a couple of regular groups, but the introvert in me has a hard time breaking out of my shell, and it’s even harder when there’s so much noise and chaos. Just trying to keep track of my kid takes a lot of my energy! I hope you’ll find some activities that get you out there meeting people, too, but it’s so hard!

  3. I really understand this! We moved here shortly before my first was born and it took serious work to find my tribe. And then life happened and drama made its way into the mix and everything sort of fell apart. And here I am, on my third kid and back at square one. (That’s not exactly true. I do have a couple good local friends, but it’s different as they don’t really know each other and we don’t spend time together as a group.) It may take time and patience and a little work on your part, but I have every confidence and hope that you’ll eventually find what you’re looking for!

    • Yeah, it was hard enough in Montreal when she was a baby and we were trying to get out in spite of horrible, freezing weather, but now, starting over when it feels like all these mom “cliques” have already been formed…it’s not easy. We’ll keep trying, though. I hope your tribe comes together, too!

  4. Pingback: Catching Up | Something Out of Nothing

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