I had my first midwife appointment last Tuesday, and I didn’t blog about it because…there wasn’t much to report. I asked if she would use the Doppler (I still haven’t heard the heartbeat), but she refused, saying it was too early. Mostly, she just went over my history and drew some blood.
It’s sort of been the way this pregnancy has gone so far. The cliché is that the second child gets the shaft, right? Well, with this kid, it’s starting early.
And that’s just to this point. When we have future scans, we have the option of purchasing pictures (what?!?), but I’m sure 3D/4D will not be an option, at least, not locally. I mean, I never got around to finishing my pregnancy scrapbook for Missy/Thumper (we were in the middle of moving to Canada, after all), but I don’t even have anything to put in one for this kid.
There’s also the fact that I’m so exhausted, I haven’t put in the same emotional investment as I did the first time around. I have the multiple daily reminders, mostly in the form of pills and pessaries, that I am, in fact, pregnant, but I have no tangible evidence, not even a blurry ultrasound picture, that I can gaze at and feel my heart skip a few beats. Occasionally, I convince myself I’m feeling a flutter, only to ultimately admit it’s probably just gas.
I want to feel more connected to this pregnancy, to this potential little person growing in my womb, but I’m finding it really difficult right now. Sorry, kid.
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