In all the years we were struggling with infertility, I never felt as physically broken as I have the last 13 months. Sex was never about procreation for us. I knew from the start of our relationship that Hubby had no sperm, and the chances of me getting pregnant from sex were pretty much zero. […]
Yesterday I went to the OB/GYN for a regularly scheduled appointment, but I asked her to check my episiotomy scar again because I’m still having a lot of pain during sex (more on this in an upcoming post). While I was out, Missy stayed home with Hubby. It was the longest I’d been away from […]
I wanted to write a post about yoga–not the 30-day challenge I did several weeks ago, but the pretzel poses baby girl gets herself into, how flexible babies are, etc…but it would be so much cuter with photos, which a) I don’t have and b) I wouldn’t post here anyway unless you couldn’t see Missy’s […]
Body I gained 25 pounds during my pregnancy. I wasn’t too concerned about losing it because I planned to breastfeed, and everyone insisted I was “all baby.” But I was also almost 36, so I wasn’t expecting the weight to drop immediately. A few days after we got home from the hospital, I was ten […]
I have a long, detailed post in my drafts about the breastfeeding saga so far. I’ve briefly alluded to the fact that we’ve been having problems getting this whole feeding thing down, but that doesn’t do justice to how ridiculously hard it’s been. I know parenting is hard, but it’s not supposed to be this […]
Stupid. Effing. Hope. I let her get her claws into me. I believed Dr. C when he said we’d have “more eggs” this time around. I let Hubby’s infectious optimism and his unfounded musings (“Maybe we’ll get 20 eggs. No, 25!”) get to me. And in the end, I was disappointed. I should have shut […]
Three years ago today, Zappa called to tell me Mom was dead. Three years. And we’re still no closer to having the baby she always wanted for us. Her death and our infertility are forever intertwined, each influencing my feelings about the other. Besides missing my mom, this day is just another reminder of time […]
The last week has been hard. I’ve been pretty down in the dumps since my last therapy session, and today’s wasn’t any better. I was angry about my conversation with D, and I’m already anticipating the anniversary of my mother’s death this weekend. (I’ll write more about that later.) My head still hurts from crying. […]
I hate April Fool’s Day. Hate it. I’m not tricky or clever, and I don’t like it when other people try to be. Don’t get me wrong–it was hilarious when my mom fed my brother chocolate-covered-cubes-of-wax. But any scenario involving me as the butt of the joke? No, thanks. I managed to muddle through yesterday […]
My last post satisfied my need to vent all the bad shit that has happened in the last week in addition to the reality that our $20,000+ gamble was a bust. Hubby’s unfortunate choice of words. Being sick. The horrific cramps. But let me be clear. It hasn’t all been doom and gloom around here. […]
Something Out of Nothing 