What can I say that hasn’t been said a thousand times and more eloquently than I can manage here? That I’m struggling to stay positive when I have no symptoms that cannot be directly attributed to the hormones being injected nightly into my ass by my husband? And probably won’t for weeks? That I’m terrified […]
First of all, woah. You guys blow me away. Thank you so much for the overwhelming response to my last post. I never would have guessed there would be so many warm and heartfelt congratulations on our good news. I had a message from my clinic yesterday afternoon regarding hormone levels. Cue freak-out. I called […]
That’s today’s beta. Hubby convinced me to pee on something last night so we could get the results together. I didn’t want to. I was perfectly content inside our little bubble of hope and possibility. Where I might be pregnant. Where this cycle could have worked. Knowing would send me into a tailspin of either […]
We went for a walk last night because we were going stir crazy in the house. We went for a walk last night, driving out to the foothills, to an old, familiar trail. We went for a walk last night, winding our way through cacti and scrubby sage, over the well-worn path cut through the […]
Yes, this is a post about poop. Well, partly. I’ve never been exactly “regular.” I’ll go days without pooping even without injecting myself full of hormones. Constipation and I are not exactly friends, but we’re well acquainted. The past week has been above and beyond my normal discomfort. After days and days of struggling (thanks […]
Hubby has an interview scheduled for Monday. It will be his third such interview for an academic job since April. (And his first since the heartbreaking “My academic career is over” comment.) It’s for a one-year position on the opposite side of the country. As he tends to do, Hubby is already thinking about how […]
Three! Holy cow, you guys. I can’t believe we have three blasts in the freezer. After all my negativity, I was hoping for one, maybe two. But obviously the mantra you all kept repeating to me–Quality, not quantity–was really true in this case. So thank you for that. Hubby made the call, and he said […]
Thank you all again for the hopeful comments and all the positive vibes headed my way! It’s day 2 of bed rest, and so far, I’ve been doing a much better job of keeping a positive outlook on this not-yet-doomed cycle. Hubby’s been doing his best to keep me distracted. We’re now halfway through The […]
I am pecking this out with one finger while trying to remain as horizontal as possible and keep my laptop far from my uterus. It’s going to be quick, but I’ll go into more details later. At approximately 10:15 this morning, we transferred 3 grade 1 embryos into my uterus (10, 8, and 5 cells). […]
Stupid. Effing. Hope. I let her get her claws into me. I believed Dr. C when he said we’d have “more eggs” this time around. I let Hubby’s infectious optimism and his unfounded musings (“Maybe we’ll get 20 eggs. No, 25!”) get to me. And in the end, I was disappointed. I should have shut […]
Something Out of Nothing 