In all the years we were struggling with infertility, I never felt as physically broken as I have the last 13 months. Sex was never about procreation for us. I knew from the start of our relationship that Hubby had no sperm, and the chances of me getting pregnant from sex were pretty much zero. […]
A year ago, I was joyfully anticipating the birth of my daughter, even through the craziness and stress of our recent move. I had not yet reached my due date, but my doctor was already talking about induction, citing my “high-risk” pregnancy for no other reason than that it was the result of IVF. Two […]
It still takes me by surprise. Every time. Infertility pops up in movies, TV, or books, and I feel my breath catch. Are they going to make light of “shooting blanks” or give some vague explanation as to why “you’ll never be able to have kids,” only to wind up with a surprise pregnancy by […]
Nothing irritates me more than when some (well-intentioned?) religious nut-job zealot person implies or flat-out says that infertility is part of god’s plan. That there’s some sort of lesson to be learned from suffering, or you’re meant to adopt or live child-free. There’s a reason I don’t believe in any kind of god who would […]
Today I am six weeks one day pregnant. This past weekend, I bought some stuff on Amazon. Like, pregnancy-related stuff. That prenatal yoga DVD I was agonizing over? Is on its way to my house. Same goes for a pregnancy journal, appropriately enough, titled “Embrace.” Because that’s what I’m trying to do. Embrace hope. Embrace […]
Stupid. Effing. Hope. I let her get her claws into me. I believed Dr. C when he said we’d have “more eggs” this time around. I let Hubby’s infectious optimism and his unfounded musings (“Maybe we’ll get 20 eggs. No, 25!”) get to me. And in the end, I was disappointed. I should have shut […]
And so it begins. Again. We have a plan. Right now, it’s only a plan, as we still have no money, but it’s better than floundering without one. I called Dr. C’s office today. I let him know that we were hoping to go to Hubby’s home country for a couple of weeks and come […]
I’ve had some really good days in the past couple of weeks. Hubby has even commented that it’s so nice to see me happy and smiling again. But I smiled with a secret twinkle in my eye. Because the reason I was feeling so happy was that I had a plan. A way to get […]
I hate April Fool’s Day. Hate it. I’m not tricky or clever, and I don’t like it when other people try to be. Don’t get me wrong–it was hilarious when my mom fed my brother chocolate-covered-cubes-of-wax. But any scenario involving me as the butt of the joke? No, thanks. I managed to muddle through yesterday […]
According to Dr. C, nothing about our failed cycle can be chalked up to poor egg quality or ute problems. He proclaimed that he’s more thorough than most when it comes to checking out the lady bits pre-IVF to ensure he knows what he’s working with. That the only thing he’d do differently is start […]
Something Out of Nothing 